Prosperity

Wallowing is an easy thing to do. I've battled the dark forces of depression for most of my life, starting when I was about eleven years old and the first experience of abuse touched me. It's familiar. A worn, old quilt patchworked with the failures and sadnesses of my life. A warm comfort of self-loathing, depreciation and doubt that I can pull over my head when things go wrong. I can look at all the different pieces of pain -both past and present- that fit so nicely together and encourage my wallowing sadness to unlimited ends. The blanket of dispair is so easy for me to cuddle up to. Almost too easy.

This may sound strange to some but I have to work to be happy.

It's hard for me to focus; see the joys and eleations that are before me. Most of the time I have to look hard and deep into my life to root out the happinesses that I've been graced with. Even when they're staring me in the face.

I look at my garden and the failure is far too easy to see. Eaten leaves, dying vines, propigating bugs distract me from what does grow. The banana pepper plant has taken off. It's needed no real care other than sunshine and cool water. It's lack of issues has my eyes glazing over it's beauty until its bounty smacks me in the face.

The same can be said for the lemon grass. I bought it on a whim, not really knowing what to do with it. I have never seen a bug on it, it has never wilted. It takes up four times the space it did when I got in a few months ago, yet I pass it by because it lacks issues. The drama of the hard-to-grow and not-so-hearty fill my attentions.

And the one small silver sage plant that errupts with long healthy leaves only gets a momentary pruning when it gets too large for the space I've designated. I have so much that I'm giving it away to a few people that said they'd like some.

That is the kind of prosperity I want for everything but I need to narrow my focus and be grateful for what I do have. I need to throw off the blanket of depression I've hidden under for so long. Fold it up and pack it away. I won't get rid of it fully, sometimes it helps to see what I've gone through, how much I've surpassed those pieces of my past. That the patchwork quilt those sorrows make up are what make up me. Who I am today. And I'll need to add to it the new pains and disappointments the rest of my life hold.

I can't say that I'll never succumb to the warmth of it again but I can try to see things as they are. Try and view the prosperity of my life fully relieved of my self-made shroud.

And prosperous, I most surely am.

Sprouts and Hawks

I am so tremendously pleased with the new grow light (Hydrofarm JSV2 2-Foot Jump Start T5 Grow Light System). Just about everything is sprouting, except the Big Max pumpkins and some of the herbs. But I haven't given up hope yet. The Small Sweet Pumpkins are going to need to be replanted probably today or tomorrow. I'm not quite ready to put them outside yet. They're still so young and vunerable.

And speaking of sprouts...Yesterday was haircut day. I'll admit it right now, that I have no idea the proper way to cut hair. I just pretty much wing it and hope it's decent. Besides, it's hair, it will grow back. Eventually. Max was up first and when I took the shaver to his nape to trim that little piece of tail he jerked. The result was a good two inch chunk taken out of the back of his head. In the middle. To the scalp. I tried to fix it best I could. Here are the results.

Seriously mom.

It's not that cute.

Well, maybe just a little adorable.

I rock so hard now.

I wish I had prolific squash.

Someone *ahem, Emmy...* stuck a quarter in my SD card reader so there was a moment there where the possibility of getting new photos up for all these new posts was almost nonexistent. I skillfully pulled it out. A few days ago Max popped off the space bar, relieving me of the ability to separate words. I think the kids are mutining against my computer...

In other -better- news the summer garden is getting prepped. I bought this Hydrofarm JSV2 2-Foot Jump Start T5 Grow Light System grow light and mentioned getting it on Saturday. Monday, I planted the seeds and Tuesday set up the light.

It's on the top shelf of the homeschool room. It literally touches the ceiling. I'm really overall very happy with the light. For under fifty bucks shipped, there isn't anything I can complain about. I'll have more of an opinion though, after the seeds sprout. I bought some square pot plates but didn't realize they were too big to sit side by side, so I'll have to use the remaining space for more of the little yogurt cup planters without drilling holes in them to drain. No biggie, but I have to wait till we eat more yogurt before I can plant.

I planted bib lettuce, rosemary, pumpkins, watermellon, yellow summer squash, chives and parsley. From the garden I pulled out the remnants of the seven romaine plants, the blueberries that got fried and the cut down broccoli stalks. There's a lot of room out there now. The tomatoes have pretty much finished, I lost a lot to the stink bugs but did get quite a few in. There are still a few more cherry tomatoes going.

The one watermellon also is a loss though the vines are twining beautifully, I suppose it grew to fast and it split itself. I've never grown watermellon before so that was a learning experience. There is another getting quite big on part of the vine that's vertical. I bought some cheap pantyhose today to make a sling for it since it's dangling heavy in the air. I'll post photos on that soon. Should be quite a sight.

The couple of carrots and the canteloupe seem stunted and the Kiwi burnt out. It's just so hot here. The banana peppers are looking good though, and a few of the herbs are really thriving. I'm doing better this year from last but there's still quite a lot of disappointment out there. Seventy square feet isn't much but it's more than I've ever done.

I think I might be the only person on the planet that can't grow zucchini. I planted eight seeds. Four sprouted. Only one has really thrived and has given me three tiny shriveled stubs of what had been promising shoots and one good sized fruit. There are two more that look good but we'll have to see. I envy those that have to give zucchini away or find four pound fruit hidden in the vines that they were completely unaware of.

I wish soul-deep that I had prolific squash.

Happy Beltane!

Today is May Day, or Beltane to some. While many in the world will be celebrating today, we're hosting a bbq later this month for friends and family instead. Nothing fancy, just a small Beltane fire, food, music and togetherness.

We might not be pulling out the revilry today but we're still honoring in other ways. I put my Moon Gazing Hare in the garden in rememberance of Flora. She'll sit and look towards the moon as a reminder of what has been lost, both now and in the future. The Hare brings with her the symbol of  growth, rebirth and abundance. Where else to put her but the garden? And what better day to initiate her to our family than May Day?

  

*

Merry May Day or Happy Beltane to you all!

*Our Hare was bought on Etsy From The Heart Creations and is gorgeous. We support Handmade and hope you will too.

Drive Thru Lunch

Fresh from my front yard.

It's nice when you can walk outside and pick up lunch on the way from the mailbox. There is romaine, bok choy and some various lettuces (arugula and something else I think, I can't remember what I planted).

These little guys were ready to go. It's not much but it is a start. The front guy is a teeny zucchini that was getting stunted underneath the rapidly growing plant. The strawberry got gobbled up by Max. The broccoli and tomato will join the greens above. I had hoped for a few snap peas but it's getting too hot and the zucchini is taking over their spot. The other snap peas that are in a pot got dug up by Leeloo. Naughty dog but I still love her.

For those of you that are new to the blog last year was a disaster in the garden. I didn't even get what I harvested today during the entire year. Blight prevailed on everything. Harvesting from my own patch of Earth is more fulfilling that I thought it'd be.

There is something...connective about filling bellies I care about with stuff I grew. It seems much more nourishing and filling. Something just plain out right about it all.

I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

Another Monday

Mondays don't bother me like they do some people. Probably because I'm not stuck like a slave in a overworked and underpaid job...oh, wait. Well, anyway, I don't mind Mondays.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I finished a new quilt that I actually started yesterday afternoon using some of the those hundreds of squares I cut on Thursday. It took me about seven hours total.

I'm really pleased with the way the backing and binding came out this time. I've gotten some request from my FaceBook friends to make some quilts for their babies and kids. It's exciting but nerve wracking. I still see all the errors, though few they may be. I'm working up to listing some things on our Etsy store. I ordered some fabric labels which will take a bit to get here so I'm using that as an excuse not to list anything yet. Though I know it's me that's holding myself back. I have a yellow/orange and a green quilt set up to make from those same squares.

I have no escape from the kids am carless again today. Rob's Isuzu is giving him issues so he's been taking mine for all of last week and now this one. I have been drowning myself in sewing in hopes to draw my attention from the fact I'm stuck in the house. Even if I never go anywhere, it's the option -or lack of- that bothers me.

We're not sure if we're going to make it up to the land this weekend like we planned considering he has to go to two weeks of Guard Duty and has to have a car (and not my car). This coming weekened might be another two days of Rob getting his car put back together.

We did manage to get a generator off craigslist for about half the price and it's brand new in the box! Rob set it up and it works just perfect. I used a coupon and picked up two magnolia trees from Home Depot buy one get one free. They also had B1G1F seeds (including organic!) so I stocked up big time. I shouldn't need to ever buy seeds again (unless I can't help myself from picking up those pretty little packages -and find another great deal). The trees will go to the land and start the border from the neighbors.

We had a helluva thunderstorm last night. It was insane. The thunder was a constant rumble and the lighting was striking tens of times a minute. Ask anyone in the Central Florida area, if they were awake at 12am they'll tell you I'm not exaggerating. It woke me up and I had a terrible gut feeling that the bunnies needed me. I've been in ultra paranoia mode since Flora and check on those guys psychotically. I ran downstairs barefoot in my jammies and donned a towel over my head put in place with a clothes line clip, another over my shoulders and a few extra clips to secure a shower curtain to the front of the hutches. Conner hasn't been in a storm before. This was an extreme introduction to hutch life. I worried he'd give himself a tiny heart attack over the craziness. I covered the cages with the shower curtain, cooing to my babies as I went. I came back in and layed in bed, scared to my marrow of the raging storm. A feeling I haven't experienced since I was a child. I finally floated into a disturbing sleep sometime around two.

This morning the world is sighing in pleasure over the raucous night time events. Everything is alive, wet and happy. The birds seem louder, more exhuberant. The leaves and grass are practically neon. The sky is a pure clean sheet of blue. And the rabbits are alive. I couldn't ask for more than that. Today will be a good day, regardless of its place in the week.

So, on with Monday!

Around the House

We're busy today. Lots of things going on, getting prepped and finished up. I like days like this. I like it when things actually come to a close and I can look back and say "I did that", "it worked" or "thank God its done!"

I introduced the new babies to Duncan this morning.

Who are these people, mom?

He was good and curious. The two babies just jumped around thankful, I think, for the additional space. Conner doesn't care as long as there is food.

The garden is coming in full swing. Things are sprouting, tomatoes are ripening, growth is happening every second of every day. The ladybugs helped me pass the storm of aphids and it looks like everyone came out unscathed. There are blossoms on just about everything but blossoms don't mean as much to me as they did this time last year. I've grown a bit jaded I suppose, knowing that a bloom doesn't mean fruit. Ants carry away the pollen, other bugs eat them outright, the blazing sun wilts them before polinization. Though they're pretty enough.

It doesn't give me the same excited zing shooting through my blood as these do.

I've been a sewing fool lately. Spurred on by I know not what. Yesterday, I agreed to make Cordelia a rainbow twirly skirt like this one I made almost two years ago for Olivia:

It's a painstakingly annoying skirt but the results are worth if it they don't drive you mad. It made me remember why I only made one.  I decided that cutting just the 81 needed for the skirt wasn't time effective, so I just went on and cut about 400 more to be used as various projects in the upcoming months.

Today, I'll finish the skirt, clean the house, homeschool the kids, work on some reusable zippy bags for a friend and get the kids ready to go out to dinner to celebrate Rob's National Guard promotion to Captain. I can't wait to go to Kobe and get my hands on their white sauce.

So, here is to good days around the house. Enjoy today.

My Garden Gnome

There is a Gnome in my garden.

He watches out for me.

He hides beneath the bushes.

And dances in the trees.

And when I get frustrated

like the shovel needs a throwing.

He pokes his head out of the leaves

and his smile keeps me going.

My Garden Grows

I realized I haven't posted much about my garden since we had the influx of aphids. So, here is one. As far as I can tell, the ladybugs did the trick. I haven't seen damage in the garden. The weather has been consistently getting warmer, a sure sign those hot summers are quickly round the bend. The strawberries and broccoli are loving the weather.

Which means I think I might even get in a small harvest fairly soon. Though I have to look up the correct time to harvest broccoli, some has gone to flower so I think I messed up... The blueberries aren't ripening as quickly as I think they should so there's another thing on the list to check. Perhaps they'd do well with some sort of fertlizer? or not?

These are the zucchini I started from seeds. They're doing really well. Again, a lot of hope that I'll be shopping for produce in my front yard in the next few months.

The new tomato plants are flowering and this one has some little guys already. They're really close to the ground though so I'm a little concerned they won't make it. The three tomato plants really, really, really love the bunny poop I've been shoveling around them every other week or so. Duncan's earning his keep. Speaking of the bunny, he's getting a shave as soon as I work up the nerve to do it. soon.

 

The fig has new growth as do the romaine. The lower right corner is the size I bought them at (why those two aren't thriving I'm not sure. Again, mental note to check that.).

Speaking of growth (the segues just keep a'comin'!) Leeloo is getting huge. Well, huge for a puppy. When we got her the last weekend in February she was about eight pounds. Now she's about thirteen. Using a Tonka Truck as reference (is there any better way?) here are her before and now.

And just because this isn't loaded with enough photos...

A Lesson in Ladybirds

One of the things I'm still learning, four years into homeschooling, is how to take life and make a lesson out of it. You would think that merging home and school would be easy, it's called homeschool isn't it? But detaching from traditional teaching methods imbued into my soul as a young child is not. I'm slowly relearning while I teach.

A few posts ago I wrote about our aphid issue in the garden. I had the epiphany, while searching for live ladybugs on Amazon, to go ahead and order a few early elementary level science books to go along with them. Then I went to Enchanted Learning -the best site for printables- and printed out coloring pages on a ladybugs lifecycle.

I'd like to think that these past four years that is how I've done things; relating learning and projects to real life situations. Unfortunately, this has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I struggled for years trying to fit in what was on the list for a particular grade/age of a particular child based on public school requirements* and still be able to bake, change diapers, play with the kids, clean, grocery shop, get oil changes, do laundry, garden, drop off donations and the million other things that make up my day while still wedging in a slice of time for personal goals, college and projects. And maybe even get in a shower. School isn't about what you do in life, it's what you learn in books, right?

Throwing a stick in the cog of my mental processes, I headed outside. Crayons, printables, books and ladybugs in hand. We sat, we read, we colored and we learned. We released our ladybirds and watched excitedly as they explored the garden.

Then we sat at our gorgeous new picnic table. In the beautiful cool morning breeze we colored our books and learned about how ladybugs live.

I even learned some things I hadn't known about these marvelous benefactors to my garden. While we were doing this, Max was doing this...

We were careful not to squish any as we watched them run around, fly away and um...feverously mate all over my vegetables. They crawled all over as Emmy squealed in delight when one got up the gumption to crawled all over her. Fifteen hundred ladybugs is A LOT. They were everywhere in a few hours and even places we didn't necessarily want them.

The ceiling in the house.

I think the kids had a better time learning about them hands-on, seeing how they related to our lives and were important to us. I didn't have to fight to get them to sit and listen or read. I got to tend the garden while they were participating instead of being frustrated I couldn't get out to do what I needed to. I hope that I can learn -and remember- to incorporate more of these life-school lessons as we go on.

*These requirements are guided to meet a test called the FCAT here in Florida. A test that is in our top three reasons why we DO NOT send our kids to public school. Is administered every three years and directly relates to the monies the schools -and teachers- recieve from the gov't.

Productivity Reins

Yesterday was quite a busy day. First, we woke up at seven...I mean eight. I haven't caught up to Daylight Savings yet*. Rob put together the bike trailer and hooked it up to my new bike. Did I mention we bought bikes on Saturday? Cordi got a new one for her birthday and we picked up a brand new two seater trailer at Target a few months ago for 90% off. All that was left was getting bikes for the rest of us.

The kids were excitedly donning their helmets as they raced impatiently around the yard. Emmy couldn't stay out of her "carriage". It was nine -no that would be ten- before Max got up. We rode a half mile down back streets over to the local highschool where, once a month, they have a farmers market. The day was gorgeous; blue skys, puffy clouds, a high of 70 and a cool breeze. Perfection. Or as close as we can get in Florida. It's days like this that make me long for more moderate climates where these pitifully few days we have down South stretch weeks long. But then we remeber that it usually snows in those places and how much we really actually do hate the cold.

The small turn out of last month's market left me sorely unprepared for this one. The small lawn of the highschool was packed with people, kids and pets. The number of booths grew, practically spilling into the street with local vendors. It was marvelous.

We got a nice bunch of organic veggies and fruits. A head of cabbage for making the sauerkraut in the Nourishing Traditions cookbook that should be here today. Crisp lettuce and perfectly red plum tomatos for a salad. A huge ripe papaya for Duncan's wool block issue. Heavenly organic oranges and local strawberries. We got fresh squeezed orange juice (that we watched the see-through machine squeeze into our cup, mystifying our techie kids) and real brick fired pizzas that were cooked in a portable handmade oven, mystifying me.

My bike trailer trunk was loaded with goodies as we headed home after loosing Emmy for about 5 minutes, alterting the band to make an announcement and being emotionally reunited with my precious wayward daughter. Loosing a kid for any amount of time is terrifing. My heart thumped in my stomach and nausea soured in my throat. It happens, though. Especially, in highly crowded places. A kid walks around a corner, across an asile in a busy place, or follows a new "friend" (meaning some other kid) away from you when your attention isn't laser beamed on them. They're not really "gone" but try and tell it to a parent's kick-drum beating heart. If it hasn't happened to you yet, it probably will at some point. Thankfully, it worked out positively today.

After getting home and gorging on oranges we set out for the yard. Rob "tilled" the beds I was having trouble clearing, using the motorized edger. I made the fourth, and last, bed frame. Now there are two four by eight foot beds, separated in the middle to make four 4x4' beds. Cordi and I bonded over weed pulling. She's my little garden girl. She loves the work, the dirt and the rewards of the harvest. We weeded and added more dirt to the bed, manure mixture and top soil. We planted two fruited pepper plants, seven sprouted romaine, and one lonely basil.

my garden and my girl

We hung the ladybug house and read the instructions on how to release them, which we'll do later this evening. I added a trellis to the zucchini that are growing quite rapidly. The aphids aren't as plentiful as they once were, I don't know it that was because of the two ladybugs I saw (and possibly more hidden ones) or if they just flew away. I don't really care as long as they leave me the hell alone. The broccoli is indeed flowering and I think the carrots are sprouting.

While I was working on the beds, Rob was putting together a wooden picnic table so we can eat outside more and enjoy the work we're doing in the yard (and bonus, not have to have the kids eating in the house for every meal). Maybe we can all fit on this table too so we can enjoy the same meal at the same time. Wouldn't that just be a thing.

Leeloo seems to be a bit better today so her issue might have been the food change. Duncan gobbled up the papaya and is drinking water so maybe his wool block isn't such an issue. Maybe he's just "off feed" because of the climate change.

I made my first bunny poo harvest and generously fed the surviving single tomato and distributing the remainder over the already formed beds. I also drew out some worm tea and gave everyone in the garden a good splash (the plants, not the kids).

We're ate pizza again for dinner, leftovers from our visit to Rob's aunt Saturday night on a new stoneware pizza pan. I've been drooling over switching out our teflon coated ones for the stoneware equivalents but the price is holding me back. What a wonderful woman for giving me a brand new one! We also were gifted her upright full-size freezer (see the big white rectangle on the porch in the photo with Rob and the table?) All that and I still uploaded photos from the visit and got in a few rounds of Mafia Wars. I'm excited with the days' happenings, thankful for the opportunities -and gifts- we've been given and optimistic after a bad day of worry.

*It's stupid and I hate it and it will take me until a week before the time changes again to get used to it...and change all the clocks in my surrounding area to the correct time.  

In The Yard

I'd like to post that I got the entire third garden bed dug out today. I'd like to tell you that my back didn't hurt. That I didn't get dizzy and light headed. That I managed to get those poor romaine sprouts in the ground that are stifling in the little pots I bought them in weeks ago. I'd like to, and I probably could if I wasn't being honest.

A strawberry that has so far eluded Emmy.

Truth is, after two hours working out there I'm beat. My head is a little fuzzy, my shoulders are killing me (Thanks a whole lot to the guy that hit me last July). I'm too young to feel this bad after just a little bit of work. I really need to focus on my food intake and stop eating tons and tons of Girl Scout cookies with every meal while trying to convince myself I'm just doing it to support my two new Brownie Scouts  food that's not very good for me. I have a sweet tooth. A bad one. And I'm picky. And an emotional eater. But that's a whole other post.

One of the blueberries.

The 3rd plot got about half way cleared out. That creeping Florida grass just doesn't want to come up! Cordelia was a trooper and hung though it, helping to pull up as much as she could after I broke it up with the three prong handheld garden rake/fork thing*. We'll have two 4x8' beds once I'm done plus the various potted trees.

Garden so far.

I did get to replant the pineapple which Leeloo has been battling. Did you know various long green things are a puppy's sworn enemy? She got the broccoli too. And the Elephant Ear tree has been taking some hits.

Unmarred Broccoli

Days like this are precious in the hot as Hell state of Florida. It's gorgeous outside a high in the low 60's. Bright blue sky the perfect shade without a cloud in the sky to take from it's brilliance. Birds swooping and singing to me while I work. The bugs are still laying low since the temps do tend to dip. I have to covet these kinds of days while we have them.

The sky above my house.

Seeing the veggies and fruits sprouting and not having to worry quite yet about the bugs is a huge thing for me from last years horrific, heart crushing invasions. Everyday I pray they'll survive. I go outside filled with hope and a little bit of fear. In a few years we might be banking ours and the lives of five little kids on what I can grow and actually get to harvest. The garden could make or break us. It's a liberating feeling, exciting too and yet very, very scary.

Zucchini

Sorry the photos aren't cleaned up more. My editing software seems to think the photos are being used elsewhere and refuses to save any changes. I haven't been having a very good relationship with technology lately.

*Does that thing even have a proper name?