Teaching Children about Death

The loss of Flora is still being felt though my heart feels more bruised today than hemorrhaging. Loss will happen, as long as I treat the animals with respect and the best care I can give I think I'll be okay with that on a farm. But breaking the news (which somehow got out right before bedtime) to a housefull of young children is a difficult thing.

Their world collapses when there is death.

The almost eight year old understands a bit more than the almost seven, she in turn understands it better than the five, the three year old doesn't get it at all really. Our faith -Unitarian Universalism- is based on the fact that individuals have the unimpeded ability to choose their own belief system. They can choose who and what and how to pray, worship and rejoice. The problem is my kids haven't chosen yet.

My personal belief is that there is something after. I just can't live day to day thinking that when I die there will be nothing left. Death frightens me because I'm old enough to know that might not be true. My understanding of Rob's belief is that there is nothing after. You die, there is no more. I needed to help my kids with their grief, letting them come to their own conclusions but children need the tangible when they're too young to decide for themselves what the intangible is like.

Guiding my kids through their grieving process was a treacherous decision making ordeal rife with emotional and spiritual landmines. I let them take ahold of my belief to fill the void of their own, letting them grasp a Heaven. We talked about Flora and Grampa George (the only other they know that has died) and where they are, what they might be doing and how they are feeling. I taught them how to pray, sending prayers -wishes of our hearts- to those we loved and lost.

I let them guide the small beliefs of mine I gave to them as truths having them decide what things are like in this mysterious place they can't see or feel or touch. It was difficult knowing that the things I said last night could become their reality and shape their religious beliefs more than I wanted. It was harder still to guide them all together, each putting their own spin on the small truths I gave, without them belittling or discouraging another while they walked a parallel but different path. I tried to teach them respect for the beliefs of their siblings. I tried to let them understand there wasn't any other way for Flora except death. I tried to invoke their inner respect and compassion by explaining how hurt Flora was and how keeping her with us was wrong. I tried to be compassionate and tender as I cradled them in their mourning, letting their whole-body wrenching sobs wash over me, comforting me in my own grief. I tried and I hope I succeeded.  

I could have taken the easy road and given them a hard set of truths about the afterlife, ones that couldn't be questioned or dismantled by the unending curiosity of youth. I could have lied and never told them she had passed, just maybe went to live elsewhere. There are a million things I could have done and probably some mistakes made in the things I did do but I tried to stay true to my religion by not forcing my beliefs onto them but giving them a jumping board to discover their own.

It will be a wonderous thing to experience, when these little ones become adults, to see where their spiritual paths lead them. I know, being a parent and guiding these small beings, takes me further down my own path. And, while it's sad and hard sometimes, it's still a miraculous thing to behold.

Thoughts on Easter

We went to my mother-in-law's yesterday to celebrate Easter with her. We don't do Easter here as a general rule but we're not opposed to helping others celebrate their holidays. After all, isn't that part of what holidays are about? Connecting with loved ones and acceptance and repect of those people? I tend to flow more towards rituals and celebrations that have a more base focus than the Christian theology aspects. Things that focus on energies and seasons. Connecting to the land and to each other. A circular hoop of belief that encircles us all. While my view might not be wide spread, it's what I've come to believe is true in my heart through out my own religious trek down the spiritual road.

I like to envision that spiritual road paved with a myriad of cobble stones. Each special, unique. Each stone a different color, shape, texture, contour that changes our perception of our beliefs as we feel it underfoot. All the stones are facets of religion. A thought here, a scripture there. The connectivity between all beliefs. A spriritual causeway unique to each person, created by them as they develop their sense of self.

It has been difficult to get this far and I know that I'm not anywhere near the end. Alas, I think I shall never be until that day comes when my soul is given back to the universe. And that's okay.

Easter is a time of birth or rebirth, if you will. The plants that went to seed last year, that were frozen over during the long winter months, are reemerging as new life. Spring is a notorious time for baby animal births (and human ones too). The cold winter winds pick up the tinge of hot summers to come. The Wheel of the World turns again. I can feel it sing to me.

I hope to teach my children about the song of life and I am excited to see where their paths lead them.

I know that religion and politics are two hard topics to swallow so I won't get into a whole lot on here. Just some general thoughts about certain things. But if you read my blog, I think understanding a little bit about my religious beliefs is important. It highlights some of the things I do. It's part of the reason I wish to be a farmer. It's why we have a lot of kids. I think its important for others to gain an understanding of things they might not agree with, or believe in. I read a lot of blogs from Christians. I also read blogs of Pagans, Wiccans, and a Buddist. And a few others I don't really know their spiritual designation.

Sometimes I worry, like with today's post, that I will loose some readers because I'm not the same religious affiliation as they are. And I talk about it. That perhaps, they don't want to read about my ideas or thoughts if they're incongruious to their own. I've read some comments on other bloggers posts just for the meat/no meat issue that has divided bloggers from their readers. I hope I don't push anyone away. I don't think religion should be seperate. I don't understand why so many can't accept others for our differences and love and grow with those people. Rejoicing in the diversity of life and the magic of the world. I enjoy listening and learning about the religious beliefs that make others tick. It's most of the reason I attend a Unitarian Universalist church.

So, I ask you readers, since I share so much with you but might not ever know who you are, What is special for you about the season?