I worked Hard.

Saturday we woke up and took the kids to the movies. Our new sitter came to test drive Max and see if she'd be up to coming twice a week for the rest of the summer. I need the break. I need the time to gather my thoughts, work on school and treat the still painful episodes I get from the car accident from last July. We had a great time seeing Toy Story 3. I cried and sniffed loudly. I hope I didn't bother anyone. The kids on the other hand, were quieter than I was. It was so nice getting out and doing "big kid" stuff. It was also Emmy's first non-diapered outing. What a day.

We came home midafternoon. The sky was threatening rain. Dark clouds polka-dotted the bright blue sky. I wanted the rain. My garden needs it. For a state that is surrounded on three sides by water, we get so little of it during these upper-ninety high summer days. The sitter said everything went well and is excited to start on Tuesday. I sent her off deleriously happy I might actually get a break regularly then headed out before the clouds lived up to their threats.

Max is still going through an attached-to-mommy phase which has made outside chores hard to do. But the garden was being neglected and I had to find a solution. I set him up in the baby pool near the gardens edge with the picnic table umbrella as shade. I tended to my baby as I tended my garden. The weeds were thick and stubborn so I borrowed my neighbors electric weed whacker thing. There was so much more than I realized and had to take breaks regularly. My arms aren't as strong as I want to think they are.

It was a slow process. The heat beat down on me. Dirt smeared my face and arms. Weeds got tossed out and new plants brought in. Leeloo has been digging in the garden so I replaced what she tore away with new rich black soil. Over the course of last week, I had harvested more rabbit manure and had slowly added it to the top of the garden. I worked the nutrients deep in the empty parts of the beds. Max stayed in his designated spot with little trouble which was helpful to me accomplishing so much.

I refilled the aquaglobes. I have to say, I didn't think this novelty item was really at all worth it. Now, I wish I had bought more when I found them so cheap. While the heat and relentless sun drain them rather quickly, they do help the plants from getting scorched which is all I can really hope for. I lost so much last year to that harsh globe of fire.

I have a hard time finding the little victories in my gardening pursuits. I'm not a natural gardener. I once killed an entire cactus family. Even Arizona can't do that. Two years ago, when I decided the kind of life I wanted to lead I started my first little garden with a few tomatoes and herbs. I knew I was in for a lot of learning when they all rapidly died. Looking over my garden I see the failure, the disappointment. It's hard not to see the bad when there's so much of it. The fact that so little is actually producing save for the lemon grass and those two small watermellons is sometimes hard to swallow. One can only eat so much sage. There is a lot of green out there, it's just not giving me much.

I have to keep things in perspective though. It's why I started the 2010 tally on the side bar. I need to be reminded that good things do happen. Things are moving forward even though the miniscule daily growth is so hard to notice. I flipped through the photos in my folders and found this taken just three short months ago.

A big difference compared to this from today.

This second bed is cleared out and will be home to the new squash and pumpkin vines that are still under the grow light indoors. I want to give them a good hearty start before they are pushed outside under the sun. I'm constantly fighting off the shield beetles that are attracted to my watermellon and cucumber vines. As long as I'm dilligent, and go out every day to spray them off the plants they seem to be more managable than the horde swarm that decended last year.

I worked hard. My muscles are still protesting. They're weak from holding the heavy weed eater and digging up the tough as nails dirt. Pulling up creeping grass by the roots and laying down new hope. We'll see in a few weeks if my effort will pay off.