Sunday, December 13, 2009

Why are their no Starbucks at/near Disney?

Or, Why does Disney have crappy coffee?

Yes, it's true. For you parents that can't sum up the mental capabilities to settle squabbles over who gets the last remaining pink bowl or why on Earth you two year old is screaming incoherantly about something in or around the television  before you ingest a good half cup of that black gold nectar of the Gods, be forewared; Disney and Coffee are NOT synonomous.

In fact, much of our mornings were spent procuring the life imbibing juice. Or trying to. Keeping us in a less than magical mood for our Disney excursions.

The photo of Max consuming Mickey's head is just a spot of cuteness for you to look at while I bitch.

The four star hotel had Starbucks. Listen closely. They had Starbucks as in they hired some daft girl and paid her minimum wage to pour hot water over the beans of Starbucks until lunch time. It was not A Starbucks. As a matter of fact, there was not a single Starbucks in the entire Disney area. The capitalization opportunities Disney would incur by placing some Starbucks inside their golden gates would be down right phenomenal. Even with my meager accounting abilities I can see the ginormous potential. All those bleary eyed parents overwhelmed with glittery sing-songy hyped up kids, usually in multiples, would suck up the 'Bucks like nobody's business, gleefully handing out the Disney Dollars. Oh, if only Walt were alive he'd see the vision.* Perhaps they could borrow some of the Starbucks from Toronto.

The coffee in Epcot was a joke. It came from a soda dispenser for Christ sakes. I won't even bother to comment more on that atrocity.

The $1.99 plain black coffee served at The Land (our first attempt at Epcot coffee getting) was hot (I dislike hot coffee in steamy humid Florida) and had to be so severely doctored to be drinkable that I should have sent Disney a bill for medical services rendered.

You'd think Coffee in a restaraunt/pick up food line/kiosk would be a mandatory serving menu item. It was not. So very, very few places actually serve anything even remotely coffee-esque. And the "frozen latte"'s don't count. Again, machine dispensed.

I'm spolied I suppose. With six total days of non stop vacationing, coffee is a mandatory thing. It just is. I'm not going to apologize and I really, truly tried to take my fix any which way I could but a girl's just gotta have a handcrafted beverage with her specified number of shots (five to be precise, one for each kid) or things will get nasty. Case in point:

Me. Day three.

*If they merge Starbucks with Disney at ANY point in time I expect full credit for the idea.

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