Monday, October 25, 2010

So, so much

Right now I'm not the bestest of people to be around. I'm more than likely driving my family nuts with my brooding, procrastinating, angry, Doom's Day outlook on life. It just feels like nothing is coming together. That cosmically, the play that is my life has been staged a tragic comedy of errors. 

I do not like this. Not one bit. 

The crux of my issues is that I am powerless over how they turn out, when they work themselves out or what I can realistically do to provide anything from not happening. It feels like the Universe is out for it's pound of flesh from me, though, I can't determine why.  And it feels like so much more than just a measly sixteen ounces.

I'm desperately trying not to be cynical.

Or pessimistic.

Or jaded.

I know there are things in my life I have been blessed with. Good things, funny times. I get that...logically. But right now they are lost to me even while staring me in the face. I just can't stop feeling the way I do. There is just so, so much I can't handle and looking into the future provides me with only more dispair that this long road is truly neverending.

But I'm trying.


Fujisawa Rob said...

We'll get there.

Conny said...

Sorry things aren't going well right now. Just checking in to see how it's going. Fujisawa Rob is right: you'll get there. Treading along, one foot at a time.

Jessica said...

When I feel down, I think about Dori from Finding Nemo: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming". It helps me, somehow. I've never met you, but I am confidant that you and your family WILL accomplish your goals, because you all work hard towards them together.

Anonymous said...

We are thinking about you.
Thoughts are powerful!

laura said...

Hang in there. You do have a lot, but that doesn't mean you have to be in full on appreciation mode every minute. We all have times in our lives when we have to struggle to remember to feel it. And, you and your family have a had quite a few challenges and wow, what an adjustment with your move and his job. Hold on, it will be better!