Saturday, May 14, 2011

Just My Type

The older I get the more I understand the type of person I am. It's hard, realizing things you might not exactly like about yourself. Faults that make you who you are -which ultimately aren't wrong- but that you still consider faults. Realizing that you will never be "that" kind of person. The one that you admire, strive to be and self-depreciate that you are not. Whether it is body type or size, finances, exhuberance, mental capability, optimism, determination, perkiness, wit, organization or what ever else have you.  Someone else seems to have a big house on Easy Street when it comes to the part of you you don't like. You are who you are and sometimes it's a pain in your ass.

I have realized that I am the type of person that has to have their hands in All The Pies. I cook, sew, spin, garden, raise animals, raise kids, write, read, teach, learn, harvest, photograph, preserve, play, nourish, research, collaborate, plan, clean...The list is pretty extensive. I'm sure I forgot a few. And I do just about all of it Every. Single. Day.

The issue I have with being so diverse in my interests -one thing that I sometimes don't like about myself- is that I rarely have the time to do any one things particularly super well. When I dedicate a time to something everything else seems to push and prod for it's own bit of attention until I leave many, many things half-discarded, half-ruined, half-finshed or hurridly done half-assed.

I try and think of what I can cut out. Which project doesn't need to be done or shouldn't be done or could be done easier or just plain out purchased and I get a little sad. Which of these things that make me ME do I cut out? I cannot stop reading. I cannot stop learning. I could stop teaching the kids but really, even if I sent them away for formal education, there are still gaps to be filled and frankly, I dont' want to. I suppose I could give up sewing, crafting, spinning, writing but I have found that when I do not have a creative outlet I get super cranky. I don't have to grow my own food or raise my own animals but clean, fresh food is important to me and to my family. Plus snipping away any of these just makes me feel incomplete. Who wants to live like that?

Sure some things get done and done well but there are times I wish I just didn't take on so, so much. That if I perhaps focused on just the one project or the single hobby my life would be much simpler, easier, more enjoyable. I see friends that are that type, that only enjoy one thing for a period of time either making it a lifelong enjoyment or passing it off a few months or years later to focus on another happy hobby. It seems those lives are better, or fuller maybe because they aren't so damned rushed or over extended. They seem to have that big ol' house on a street I never even walk down.

And then I realize that I am who I am and try to embrace myself and enjoy it. Because sometimes half-assed is still pretty damn perfect.

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