Solidity of Rainbows

Cynacism come each time this year.

2011-06-18T19:40:00.000-04:00

Last year I wrote a blog post dedicated to all those people out there that do not have a father in their lives. The ones that had been left behind by someone they never knew who had better things to do. The entire post is completely and utterly still entirely relevant.

I wonder if this hurt will ever go away.

Having had the life experience of a seed donor father and then the Earth-shattering experience of an adoptive abusive one, my views on fathers in general is tainted at best, mildly cynical and mostly sarcastic.

I wonder if I'll ever look at a father -any father, anywhere- and not immediately expect the utter worst.

I've also decided for both an opportunity for personal growth and to fictionally share my experiences I'm going to start writing some stories that have come into my head that deal with these issues. They will be adult content stories, the length will work itself out as I write. I might write about the same content: abused teen girls dealing with their situations. I might write long stories or short ones. I just don't know yet. But I have had a feeling for quite awhile that I need to share these fictional stories. Some things will be hard to read; they're supposed to be. But I hope that by my writing I can open up topics for discussions between children and their parents, show other adult abuse survivors that there is nothing to be silent about.

I started this a long time ago writing a short story about a girl named Krista*. It's free on Scribd. I hope you will read it.

*Krista is an adult short story that includes graphic material. Please be advised.

I bow to no man.

2011-06-08T10:31:00.000-04:00

I hate Florida. Yes, hate it. Well...at least I hate May through about September. I usually get distracted around my birthday but sometimes I even hate it up to November regardless of celebratory goodness. I hate Florida for the majority of the year because it is too. damn. hot.

Last June, IndieTutes posted about some pops she made packed with healthy stuff that she let her kids consume at will without any of the cringing that I have been doing every time my kids whine for the 100 count box of neon ice pop sticks I bought in a fit of neurosis at Target a few months ago. What the what was I thinking?!?

Anywho, mental lapses and Red 40 aside plus the year it took me to actually do this, the kids and I gathered 'round the blender and made us some frozen pop mixes. These can be 100% tweaked to become vegan if you so desire, or just switch out ingredients for your own food allergies/protein requirements/tastes. The point of the following *recipes* is that these are pretty much bomb-proof and are -in fact- the bomb. You can't go wrong mixing stuff together and rocking breakfast with a cool treat when it is already 80+ degrees and rising and I haven't finished my first cup of coffee.

Kids love anything on a stick. Or that they think they're not allowed to have.

Here are the three recipes I created and amazingly remembered to write down and then promptly lost the paper so they're round-abouts. More like recipe suggestions, if you will. I used dollar section pop molds I picked up a few years ago at Target. These are fairly small pop molds so YMMV.

Cherry Berry
2/3 cup yogurt (we used strawberry)
16 fresh cherries pitted (duh)
1/3 cup milk
4 frozen strawberries
1 banana

Banana Chocolate PB
1 banana
1tbs cocoa powder
2/3 cup pb (wayyy too much)
1/3 cup milk
1tbs wheat germ

Apple Cucumber
3 large apples
1/2 large cucumber
1/3 cup water
1/2 banana
1tsp wheat germ

Strawberry Banana
1 banana
6 large frozen strawberries
2/3 cup yogurt (strawberry again for us)
1 tbs wheat germ

The moral of the recipe here is that you can pretty much mix up whatever you want and since they're frozen, called pops and on a stick your kids will pretty much eat them all.

My Review

2011-06-03T08:47:00.001-04:00

Originally submitted at locknlockplace.com

Nice and heavy

By ccipriani from Fort White, FL on 6/3/2011

Pros: Easy To Use, Good Design, Durable, Safety Features, Quality Materials

Cons: Lids aren't BPA free

Best Uses: Big Jobs, Outside, Gifts, Small Jobs, Inside

Describe Yourself: Beginner

I bought this set and a few others to begin our transition from traditional plastics to a more renewable and chemical friendly alternative. One thing that I noticed right away (because I had trouble lifting the box it was packed it) was the weight of these dishes, they are not flimsy glass.

I have always loved LnL products since finding them in Target years ago and have had trouble finding them since. A BIG part of my love is the locking lid, something that my young kids can open and close and I feel confident the tops arent going to pop off as soon as they move them because it was too difficult to seal them properly. They stack well, wash up beautifully and are durable (though I don't recommend trying it, my kids have dropped these during dishwasher duty and they haven't even chipped -the glass not the kids though they held up well, too).

My only -slight- complaint is that the lids aren't listed (which means they probably aren't since LnL has a huge section devoted to promoting it) BPA free. While this isn't a huge problem as the food rarely comes in contact with the lids during storage, I do feel a bit squeemish about using the lids when reheating. So, I usually just don't put them in with it.

I find myself reaching for these for everything, mixing small things, carrying food to the grill, storing food from the garden, side dishes, serving dishes, marinating (which is great because the seal is so tight you can flip and shake without worrying it'll explode all over the kitchen), making and storing trail mix, the list goes on but I won't.

The only other con -but not for the product- was that LnL took a good while to ship these to me but I bought it during a promotion and they had some back order. They didn't ship anything until everything in the order was available to ship. So, if you're looking to buy as a gift, I'd do it well in advance.

(legalese)

Blackberry Jamboree

2011-06-02T09:50:00.000-04:00

We're still in high blackberry picking mode over here. I just can't pass up the plethora of free fruit sitting in the back yard. The passion fruits are sloooowly ripening, there must be at least a dozen of them. I have store away about 4 pounds of blackberries in .5lb zippy bags in the freezer but they're coming in faster than we can eat them. Preserving and using them is top priority.

I took approx. 5 cups (which is about 2lbs) and cooked them down to a low sugar blackberry jam. I used Sure Jell's low sugar pectin this time and had a much better gelling than with the Gel-EZ I bought in bulk on Amazon. We use one of these little half pint jars in our house during one meal of PB&J. Stockpiling jam is a serious necessity. I also found RealFruit Low/No sugar pectin in a jar at Walmart which I will try with a second batch.

Blackberries are a funny thing, they're tart cousins of raspberries. You either love them or hate them, there is no middle ground I've found. But I dare anyone that dislikes the tart juice of a blackberry to refuse a slice of this blackberry buttermilk cake. It's OMG good and easily devoured. Make two, you're going to need it.

The bushes that were brimming a few weeks ago (yes, I've been harvesting 1-3lbs a day for weeks) are dying down and the last patches that held out are bursting with fruit. I give blackberry picking season another week at most. By preserving them, I can relive it the rest of the year.

D1sTrakSH1ns

2011-05-23T11:48:00.000-04:00

I'd like to think that dealing with distractions is just something that every parent -homeschooling or not- has to deal with. There is just soo much in the world to be distracted by. Even at thirty, I have a hard time staying focused when something else is happening in my vicinity that catches my interest. But distractions are a huge part of our problem over here, not just with school but with anything the children are asked to do or encouraged to help with.

It's difficult when we do not have a dedicated classroom and your classmates are all in different grades doing different things that are obviously more interesting than the assignment you've been given -even if it is ABC's and you've been reading for five years. Then there is the kids that aren't in school, the cat, the dog, the new kitten, oh! Mom's got a phone call, there's someone at the door, potty breaks and hobbit-style eating habits.

I am more of a mindset that unschooling for history, science, geography, music and art is more appropriate for my bunch. Unschooling is not NOT-learning, it's letting the children's interest direct the thing they decide to learn about. It's why my 9 year old declared the other day that he is "pretty sure it's just ant bites, chicken pox is caused by the varicella zoster virus and I'm fairly certain I haven't been exposed to that recently." I had to go look up the name of the virus to see if he was correct because he learns things I don't know about all on his own. and he was right.

But even outside of school, with chores and helping around the house and farm, distractions abound and multiply much like varicella zoster. A main element -or The Main, if you will- of distractions in our house is electronics. Anything and everything that buzzes, beeps, lights up, plays music, has a screen, vibrates or otherwise battery powered that sucks in any and every kid in the general vicinity. If one kid is using the computer for math or reading comp, 10 out of 10 times every other kid will be standing behind them watching the screen even if approved computer use kid has on head phones.

And honestly, I can't tell you the number of times I've asked the older kids to watch the baby while I go outside to get tomatoes from the garden, mail from the box, take a shower or get blackberries and with my 10 to 30 minute chore being done, reenter the house to find half a dozen bananas smashed into the floor from back door to front, the baby coverd in yogurt, the cat food dumped into the washing machine on top of wet, clean clothes, or any number of Max-induced crisis that could have been avoided had the kids actually done what I asked and not gotten distracted by computers or movies. (which were put on to keep the baby occupied to begin with).

Which begins a new religion in our house; no electronics. Nothing, no iPhones, Ipods, Leapsters, TV's, computers, car DVD's, no laptops, library movie rentals, Redbox, video games, or streaming movies. Even battery powered toys are being called into question. We're going off-grid and hopefully on-task.

The Boy Turns Nine.

2011-05-18T14:05:00.000-04:00

It is absolutely insane to think I am the mother of a nine year old. But regardless of my inability to feel my age, my oldest kid did turn nine yesterday.

It's both easy and hard to remember how difficult he was as an infant. By two weeks old he was diagnosed with reflux (funny how I forgot about the projectile vomiting) and treated with two different medicines once twice and the other three times a day. He slept propped up in his car seat next to our bed or in the swing so that gravity would help the acid stay put.

It was miserable and at times I swore to never have another kid again. (See, this is where the Universe laughs).

He's the kid that broke me into parenthood, spiraled me into a Brooke Shields type of PPD and single handledly amazes me each and every day. Alex is such a wonderful boy, though he has his less-fun moments at times. For his birthday this year he asked for two things; Civilization V (a pc game) and a chocolate cake with mint.

I couldn't refuse either.

The cake is my basic go-to chocolate sheet cake recipe that I have scribbled on a paper so I can't remember where it came from. I don't usually do chocolate frosting so I searched for an easy recipe and found this then added some peppermint extract -real not imitation- to the mix. The Andes got frozen and mashed up with a mortar and pestle.

For someone that doesn't like toothpaste flavored chocolate, I do really like this cake.

We almost had a serious dilemma when the sparkler candles he picked out had melted into a single lump on the kitchen windowsil. Note to self- wax in a hot window = bad. We managed to scrounge nine non-girly candles out of the junk drawer and salvage three of the sparkler candles from the hardened gob.

Now I have a whole year to get used to having a kid in the double digits. I'm so not prepared for pre-pubescence.

Just My Type

2011-05-14T18:09:00.000-04:00

The older I get the more I understand the type of person I am. It's hard, realizing things you might not exactly like about yourself. Faults that make you who you are -which ultimately aren't wrong- but that you still consider faults. Realizing that you will never be "that" kind of person. The one that you admire, strive to be and self-depreciate that you are not. Whether it is body type or size, finances, exhuberance, mental capability, optimism, determination, perkiness, wit, organization or what ever else have you. Someone else seems to have a big house on Easy Street when it comes to the part of you you don't like. You are who you are and sometimes it's a pain in your ass.

I have realized that I am the type of person that has to have their hands in All The Pies. I cook, sew, spin, garden, raise animals, raise kids, write, read, teach, learn, harvest, photograph, preserve, play, nourish, research, collaborate, plan, clean...The list is pretty extensive. I'm sure I forgot a few. And I do just about all of it Every. Single. Day.

The issue I have with being so diverse in my interests -one thing that I sometimes don't like about myself- is that I rarely have the time to do any one things particularly super well. When I dedicate a time to something everything else seems to push and prod for it's own bit of attention until I leave many, many things half-discarded, half-ruined, half-finshed or hurridly done half-assed.

I try and think of what I can cut out. Which project doesn't need to be done or shouldn't be done or could be done easier or just plain out purchased and I get a little sad. Which of these things that make me ME do I cut out? I cannot stop reading. I cannot stop learning. I could stop teaching the kids but really, even if I sent them away for formal education, there are still gaps to be filled and frankly, I dont' want to. I suppose I could give up sewing, crafting, spinning, writing but I have found that when I do not have a creative outlet I get super cranky. I don't have to grow my own food or raise my own animals but clean, fresh food is important to me and to my family. Plus snipping away any of these just makes me feel incomplete. Who wants to live like that?

Sure some things get done and done well but there are times I wish I just didn't take on so, so much. That if I perhaps focused on just the one project or the single hobby my life would be much simpler, easier, more enjoyable. I see friends that are that type, that only enjoy one thing for a period of time either making it a lifelong enjoyment or passing it off a few months or years later to focus on another happy hobby. It seems those lives are better, or fuller maybe because they aren't so damned rushed or over extended. They seem to have that big ol' house on a street I never even walk down.

And then I realize that I am who I am and try to embrace myself and enjoy it. Because sometimes half-assed is still pretty damn perfect.

Happy Me Day

2011-05-09T08:38:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was Sunday. It was also Mother's Day, incase you hadn't heard. We spent it cleaning the house, selling one of the new baby rabbits and eating. Quite similar to every other day around here but I also got a couple cards from my kids. One as a beautiful drawing of me inside much skinnier and redhaired than normal, and the other has a food pyramid and a brain on the back. Hallmark, eat your heart out.

I am not a sentimental person. I have saved a few baby things from my kids, mostly for their benefit, really, in boxes under my bed. I save some of their better artworks in a box above the bookcase, the cards will join them. I take lots of photos though with the accumulation of my new digital camera do not print out many if any at all (so who knows what will happen if I lose my computer? whole years will be wiped from memory).

All this non-sentimentality makes celebrations hard for me. I don't like to be gifted "just because". I think cards and mailing of them a complete waste. I've tried to be "good" and sent birthday/anniversary/new baby whatever cards but I just can't find it in me to support something I just don't get. I'd rather a phone call than a sparkly card or better yet see the person *in* person. Though I tend to forget doing that as well. I notice all the plaques, teddy bears, fake floral arrangements, cut flowers and candles propped up in stands on the side of the road and cringe.

Perhaps, that is the practical side of me. The side that dislikes waste and clutter. To me all those trappings that people swerve off the road to consume scream landfills. The market flowers are dying beauties using up land resources that could be better used to grow food or stay on the vines to feed the ever disappearing bees. Gifts of meaning that last beyond the day, that feed my body and soul and not just a need to provide a gift because someone declared it a holiday mean the most to me. But I didn't get any gifts because they're not necessary.

During this day of matriarical celebration I decided (after much debate since we're up to our eyeballs in birthdays right now) to make a cake to share with my family because spending time with them as they helped me bake and consume it was better than anything store bought, any smushy pre-printed card, any plaque that waxed poetic about being a mother. Because being a mother is more about enjoying motherhood all the time than being set on a pedestal a single day. I think we should strive to be kind and cherish each other because we're family all the time not just at birthdays or other pre-disposed times of the year. (Though throwing in a cake now and then doesn't hurt.)

Am I the only non-sentimental mother out there?

Four, glorious Four!

2011-05-02T10:05:00.000-04:00

My daughter Amelia turns four today. Last year I wrote her birth story here.

I am still amazed at her. She is smart and witty and though she will laugh and be silly, she's one of the more serious of the bunch.

I think three and four are my favorite ages, even if they have their own challenges. We had a great time yesterday celebrating her birthday. The long road to the next town over is briming with wild flowers so we stopped to take some birthday photos. She had a marvelous time picking the ones that caught her eye.

Then we visisted a friend whos cat had kittens a few months ago and picked one out. It's been a long time since we have had a kitten in the house.

I made her special request of a "flat cake with yellow frosting with strawberries, sprinkles and four candles" from Smitten Kitchen's Lemon Cake recipe. It was a wild success.

She passed out in her bed about five minues after lights out. Being four is a lot of work.

Happy Birthday my big girl.

Roughing It.

2011-04-24T14:35:00.000-04:00

Solar Dresses for Sunny Days

2011-04-18T16:23:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile. Sorry about that. Life gets all whirl-windy and somethings just get pushed back.

I haven't sewn since before we moved. In December. Yep, it's been that long since I've pinned and cut and measured. I've missed it.

I decided this week will be my sewing week. I have a nearly eight year old that is getting too tall for her summer clothes and the budget is too broke for store bought goodies. I like them in knee-length or lower, little girls like to forget they're wearing dresses when it's playtime. I brought out all the fabric I've had boxed away since the holidays. Thanks to a free tutorial from Vegbee, Solar Dress, my girls are now the super proud owners of some light and airy summer dresses complete with pockets.

Please excuse the lack of iron. I can't find it.

When did she get so big??

I swear I didn't photoshop this. That fabric is just this bright.

It's a great dress for dancing.

And for jumping.

And playing.

Once I got down the instructions with Olivia's dress (the blue), it took me much less time to crank out the other two. It's a very simple pattern and free. Which makes sunny summer days totally cool.

Putting up.

2011-03-23T10:15:00.000-04:00

I've been renewing my interest in stocking my own pantry. Moving always seems to set me back. I'm making a list of all the things I'd like to have on hand that will be versatile and lasting. Next month, I'm planning to invest in some food grade 5 gallon buckets and gamma lids.

I've always been into stock piling. I buy everything and anything that I think will be used later on if it's got a really good deal attached to it. Years ago, I once bought 87 tubes of toothpaste from CVS that were on sale and I had coupons for. I think I ended up paying about $3.50 for all of it. We're still using them up.

Even though I'm now experiementing making my own toothpaste I just can't let go of those bargain tubes I have on hand. Waste not, want not, right?

I think it stems from my childhood where -while I wasn't deprived- I was concious of our inability to just go buy whatever we wanted when we wanted it. My mom had me hunt coupons every Sunday for the sweet cereal I wanted because we couldn't otherwise afford it.

Bologna and boxed Mac and Cheese were staples. I remember counting pennies from the coin jar so mom could go buy milk for that mornings cereal -which I sometimes ate for dinner, too. My favorite sandwich was simply tomato and mayo on white bread when the cold cuts ran out. Even though we were poor, somehow I never really felt it.

Until, I became a grownup.

Reflecting on how things were for us I can see where my need to stockpile food and supplies comes into play. I'm nervous about not having enough for my kids. I'm worried every month that, for whatever reason, we don't get paid (which had happened to us for 9 weeks once) and can't afford food.

Learning to can has helped me tremendously. Once I got over my fear that I would kill everyone off from bacteria, that is. I'm hoping with the garden to be able to can and preserve a lot of our own foods. I'm hoping to start a grain storage supply next month with things like oats, beans, and rice. The logistics are still being worked out as to how this will get accomplished.

I'm working on my fears a little at a time.

500 down

2011-03-14T18:17:00.000-04:00

I just reviewed my 500th book on Goodreads. I'm sure there are books I've read that I haven't remembered. Most of these have written comments. I can't believe I've read so many books.

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/2614810-crystal

Fresh Baked

2011-03-07T11:21:00.000-05:00

My virtual friend Ara over at My Edible Yard has a fantastic recipe for white wheat bread. I made it this morning which makes 2 loaves and already the kids and I have devoured about 2/3's of one. I have been trying to make all our own bread from scratch and this recipe is ridiculously easy and tasty. You can also break it out for rolls. I'm going to try it for english muffins but I need to buy more yeast.

I've made it twice, once using raw Honey and this time Agave nectar and couldn't tell a difference so whatever sweetener you have on hand should work just fine.

Me, Myself and the hundred other people in my head

2011-03-02T13:33:00.000-05:00

I like to think that I am a creative person. Though, labeling myself in the positive is difficult for me -I'm working on that. Thirty years old (yes, I actually copped to it) and I still have a hard time with self-image and positive reinforcement of Me. I allowed too many people to put me down as an insecure and abused teen. I allowed too many people to use me.

I still have dreams, though. Lots and lots of them. But I still allow decade plus past put downs to strangle my desires.

When I was a kid -like early teens- I wanted to be a writer. Like professionally. With books. Written words have been my life before I started keeping memories. I devoured novels before first grade and haven't ever stopped. Just this past week I've read four books. My e-reader is my favorite toy. I read to put myself to sleep, to stop my ever-racing mind. It's a release from reality and I can't be without it.

I have always wanted to give that gift to others. I've always wanted to put my stories to print.

I hear a bit of music, an overheard line of conversation between two people, a painting, a photograph and my mind starts reeling with the possibilities. Characters come to life on their own; small acts jump into my brain, conversations thick with emotions play out in my imagination. They name themselves, they show me their faces, tell me a bit of their stories. Who they are and where they come from I can't tell you. They just are.

I try and capture them but so many times they slip away.

Sometimes I'm able to work on a story line, get down those words or write a character description but life constantly gets in the way. I would engross myself in my own words as I do so often with other people's. But I can't.

I'm annoyed with myself and frustrated when the snippets of stories thrust into my skull don't want to work out in letters. I get to a point that I loose the objective and spiral into asking questions that may not even matter. Who are these people? What are they doing? Why does she act like such a bitch? Is this paragraph/chapter/description long enough? I've never been to Chicago, how can I write about it?

Nothing ever gets completed and I'm left feeling lost at the end of a tunnel I'd been led down and throughly abandoned. And still I walk around, garden, shop, shower with the ideas and lives of other people scurrying around in my mind. I wonder if it shows.

Is this how it is for all writers? I don't know. Do other people have this problem too? Do they reside in rubber rooms? My lack of completion makes me feel sketchy even considering myself a writer. My lack of devotion to the craft solidifies that feeling. Writers should write. Yes? But there is so much more to me than writing. So much more than comes before it.

So, I don't label myself. I don't commit. And life goes by as I continue to be just me, myself and a hundred other people.

It's that time of year again

2011-03-01T09:12:00.000-05:00

It's time for us to start looking at new homeschool materials, evaluate what worked or didn't and see what new things we want to add to our schedule. It's a daunting task, to be honest. While the Virgo in me loves the planning, sifting through enormous amounts of online materials searching for that gem of a workbook or product to fill an educational need makes me want to pull my hair out.

There are times when a box of curriculum looks really tempting. Everything I'd need to teach all wrapped up in a neat little box. I know families that have found these boxes work well for their kids. And I sometimes envy them. But we started out five years ago with a four year old that learned how to read all by himself. Spelling and writing shortly followed and before I knew it the five year old Alex was getting into first grade materials.

I didn't hold him back. I didn't want to.

Part of our reasoning for choosing homeschool is to allow them to grow and develop at their own paces. Similar to a Montessori method of education where the are allowed to progress as they grow and learn instead of enlisting rigid parameters based on the calandar year or age. But I now have a nearly nine year old that is in third grade for somethings, fourth for others and even fifth on a few which makes coordinating his school a tad difficult.

I also do not use the exact same things for each child. Since they grow and develop at different rates, they also have different learning methods. Alex is very literal, he can take written words and follow directions to complete tasks with minimal assistance and retain the knowledge. On the other hand, Olivia is very tactile needing to see with her hands how something is done or should be. Videos and manipulatives work better for her, workbooks and texts work better for Alex. Then Cordelia (6) is more like Alex but enjoys the tactile or visual learning aids as well. And I still have two other kids to figure out over the next few years.

All in all, it makes for a very hectic time of year in which I try and take a small budget and wrap it around learning styes and materials. Our favorite website http://www.rainbowresource.com/ has a huge library of materials at discounted prices. We also go through a Homeschool buyers co-op and have gotten some really great prices on http://www.ixl.com/ and http://www.brainpop.com/ Right now the girls are working at http://www.headsprout.com/ which matches up with Olivia's need for tactile and visual aids for reading comprehension.

But it's hard to know what will work and what won't. There are many things we've invested in that have failed miserably. It makes the decision-making just that much harder. Since I'm also a tactile person (it drives hubby crazy that I like to physically write lists out on paper instead of using the computer or my phone) purchasing online has it's own difficulties for me.

Does anyone have any tips on purchasing materials? I'd love to know!

> 5 minutes

2011-02-25T16:21:00.001-05:00

Yep, that's cream cheese.

Building Character(s)

2011-02-25T08:18:00.000-05:00

At dinner we've been starting a new tradition. For the past 2 weeks we all sit together and read a short story from the Character Building Day by Day: 180 Quick Read-Alouds for Elementary School and Home book. There are enough lessons for 180 days and each topic, like diligence, has 5 short stories to go with it. So we can work on a new character building topic each week.

I really can't say enough good things about this book. At the begining of dinner, after everyone has been seated and served, we review the topic heading page about what that specific topic means in general. I ask the kids when they have been diligent (or not) or when that week they could remember being cooperative. These short stories are great for talking about how we should behaive and when. So far all the stories have had positive outcomes -showing examples of cooperation instead of being uncooperative. Which is great since we already have enough negative examples of our own.

I'm really hoping that these lessons will help the children to start identifying on their own positive and appropriate behaivors and traits they'd like to see in themselves. It also makes for a great family dinner conversation!

Visual Aids

2011-02-24T08:40:00.000-05:00

This isn't -by far- a new solution. It's not even new to this house (we lost our routine charts when we moved) but I have to say the addition of pictures* has extrodinarily helped with both the enthusiasm and age level of the kids able to participate.

I added a sun to the morning and a moon to the bedtime routine charts. Emmy loves them and thinks she has to push the picture to activate the routine. These are very simplified lists but the vast amounts of help...well, I can't even really express it.

They get it. I don't have to yell. Is it perfect? No, but it helps and I think that's what matters here. At least every morning and evening the kids understand both in words and pictures what I expect of them. There is a tangible chart of things and not just a jarring list mommy rattles off 5 times in 15 minutes at varying levels of aggravated that is too numerous to remember. Is it everything that I need them to do? No, but it's enough for them to accomplish mostly unsupervised and constant. Kids need that. A constant routine in which to gauge their days.

I think routine is most one of the most important (and difficult to attain) things for homeschooled children - especially unschooled- that have no real time table to judge things by. Since we don't get up at the same times every day, school never takes the same set of hours, and our activites vary pretty dramatically from day to day, having the list of things that is unchanging helps them immeasureably. If you have ever read a teaching or parenting book I bet somewhere in there the topic of routines come up. I read about it when we were having behaivor problems with my oldest. The whole giving them a countdown to leaving a fun playdate to help with tantrums and aid transition I can remember reading in multiple books.

Somewhere in the uprooting of house and home I forgot that. Morning and Bedtime Routine charts have become the first on our road to burn-out recovery.

*the clip art I downloaded from http://www.the-lilypad.com/ and is created by Kate Hadfield.

T'ain't so bad

2011-02-23T17:50:00.000-05:00

I realize that many of my posts lately have been high in the complaining department.

I'm sorry. Really. Don't run away.

I've been homeschooling for nearly five years. Which seems like an eternity to those setting out on the homeschooling path but really it's a drop in the bucket. Lately, I've been talking to some people that have been homeschooling for twenty or more years. No joke. People do it and have kids graduating college.

And apparently -according to these HS'ing gurus- the behaivor issues we've been dealing with en masse here are completely normal. Every family I spoke to either in person or online has had these same issues at some point in their homeschooling career. It varied only in intensity and duration but just about every family had a child that displayed all the different "traits" we're dealing with. The overdramatic, the lazy, the easily bored, the self-depreciation. Apparently, it's all COMPLETELY NORMAL.

Completely normal.

It's all part of the ebb and flow that is being with your child(ren) 24/7 for years and years and years. Of being both their parent and teacher. Their mentor and their family. And, did I mention? It's completely normal.

The whole "mommy sucks and I want to go to public school where they have recess and lunch" is just part of the-grass-is-greener syndrome. I appreciate how being at home gives us the opportunity to customize learning to the learner and those "traits" can be dealt with on a case by case basis. Which is what we're working on now (and I will post about that soon and not in a complaining way either, I promise).

I could have posted that everything is just peaches and cream but hearing that so many others are having (or had) the same issues made me feel the need to express our issues homeschooling. It's not all winning science fair projects and perfect quiet reading time. Homeschooling is both a challenge and a pleasure.

Just sometimes it's more one than the other.

Fighting. Again. And tests.

2011-02-18T10:31:00.001-05:00

Writing words with blocks.

I thought we were doing well. I spent some money I really didn't want to so I could keep the little ones occupied while I was doing school with the big ones. I had given some free and alternative days to break up the monotony of writing work. And now we're back to having bad days.

I get distracted. They slink out of work.

I try and work with them they start crying and whining about how hard it is.

Then we get into a power struggle. Right now Olivia and I are butting heads. We were doing fine (doing the science work from yesterday that somehow we didn't get around to) and she started falling behind, so Cordi and I went ahead and I said (since the part of the work was a little difficult for them to grasp -reorganizing mixed up words to make a 8-10 word sentence) I said Olivia can just copy the sentences.

It's been an hour and fifteen minutes and she's still complaining around a flow of tears.

Everything is distracting her. It's too hard. She wants to write her own sentences (which would be wrong.) Her pencil fell. It's too hard. She can't do it.

Now, she wants me to take her to school.

She got all her work done. This is for fun.

So, I looked it up. Fine by me really, if she wants to see how they push them in schools and what the consequence of this kind of behaivor there would be then be my guest. Writing three sentences by copying is going to be the least of her problems as the school website's main focus is the Testing Schedule.

The kids in the school down the street get tested seven times a school year. Six tests are administered practicaly monthly and the last (either the FCAT for 3rd and up or the SAT 10 for 1st and 2nd) are week long after a week of test prepping. They even test the kindergarteners multiple times a year. Schools last 10 months (roughly) and the kids are given 7 test through the course of 180 days. Between holidays, days off, half days and all the prepping and actual testing days, when is the learning being done? How can anything be learned in depth? What is retained if shortly after a lesson learning is stopped to work on how to take a test?

I wouldn't push her to write these simple things except that is how things get pushed aside here. They learn (they're smart kids) that if they complain long enough or just flat out silently refuse to do the work mommy will get distracted with something else -be it a baby or a phone call or making food- and forget they're supposed to do it. They move on in their day getting to do what they want to do instead of what they need to do. If I change what we're doing because they protest they'll use it every time to get me to change what they don't like to do. If I say to her now "Ok, lets take a break and go outside" the next day something will be just as hard and she'll look for that break every day. I know my kids, trust me on this.

How do I instill a sense of responsibility in them? I'm so weary of all the fighting.

Shutterfly photo book review

2011-02-16T12:16:00.000-05:00

A few months back Groupon offered a custom 20 page hard cover photo book through Shutterfly for only $10. I love photo books especially since switching to a fully digital camera I rarely print out photos anymore and a photo book is a great way to get the best ones organized, printed and contained all in one place.

The problem is the price tags. If you've ever researched creating your own photo books you'd probably found, as I had, that they range about $30 and up for an 8x8 or smaller book. Get into larger books, fancier binding and additional pages and you'll get set back around a hundred dollars. I was excited on finally being able to get one at what seemed like a reasonable price.

I thought I was getting a really great deal when I went online and created a completely customized, beautiful book with a few additional pages and when I went to go check out I couldn't use the coupon. Because I'm a moron and was at Snapfish, not Shutterfly. Three hours were wasted and for about 2 weeks I just scrapped making one at all. But Groupon extended the expiration date so I figured I'd go ahead and do it.

Another three hours later I had a photo book plus 9 pages, not nearly as customizable as Snapfish. Shipping was almost $9 plus the extra pages, tax and such I still ended up paying about $30 for the book including the initial cost of the Groupon.

The binding is nice, the pages are clean but Shutterfly won't let you add more than 4 photos per page, the backgrounds aren't changable unless you change the entire design of the book, the font on each page is miniscule and finite in its type, size and location. The cover is limited to about 4 different sized photos that are mostly all square which makes rectangular photos cut off. I also couldn't tell it was faux wood grain printed on the cover since I couldn't zoom in. Not my first choice.

You also can't zoom in to the completed pages so I couldn't tell until it came that Alex is almost chopped off in one binding becasue the photo is too close to the edge and one photo of Cordelia has another photo piercing her head.

Because you can't change the size or layout of the photos I ended up with pages that had LOTS of blank space. If you look really closely under the birthday cake on the right page that little black line actually says "June". That's as large as it lets you make it. Yeah.

You also can't change the backgrounds. At all. When you add a new page you can't choose the background, which is how I ended up with a maroon page and a baby blue page right next to each other.

While I'm happy to have a book that outlines our entire 2010 year (or as much of it as I could fit in 4 photos a page) and it was nice to be able to easily access Facebook photos for addition to the book, I'm not really very happy with Shutterfly's editing options. Maybe next year Snapfish will have a Groupon.

A hated chore

2011-02-15T08:30:00.001-05:00

I have a little confession to make, one I think that every mom can attest to but probably won't. Perhaps, I'm breaking a sacred mommy bylaw by this confession but I have to tell someone. Try not to judge me too harshly.

I give the chores I hate to do to my kids.

Now that the secret is out let me clarify - there is one job inparticular that I have a loathing distane for. It's completely irrational and really no good reason whatsoever for my dislike of this chore but every day I pawn it off on one of my older kids to do. And what do you know, they gripe about it too. Then again, they gripe over every chore.

I hate emptying a clean dishwasher.

There, I said it. I can't stand it. For some reason the tedium of taking clean dishes out of the dishwasher and putting them away just makes my skin crawl. I can be faced with a sink full of week old dishes, caked with old food that has taken on a science project religion and not squeam. I can dutifully clean up vomit, poop, and urine from both my kids and a variety of animals and not blink an eye or dry heave. Which I think is pretty impressive since the hubby gags at dirty diapers. And he's been to Iraq. But if that damned machine is full of crystal clear glistening dishware I avoid it like the plague. And then demand whatever closest kid is available to "undo the dishes, please".

I'm not particularly proud of this weakness but there it is. And I know I can't be the only one, so who will come forward with me and announce their most hated chore? And how do you try and get out of doing it?

Book Nest

2011-02-10T10:59:00.000-05:00

In my quest to remake our homeschool experience I'm trying to open myself up to what I have dubbed "alternative days". I have a fairly rigid schedule that I try and stick to. Wednesday and Friday are our "short days" where we do just a little less work but it's still sit-and-write work, which gets borrr-ing.

Yesterday, in a fit of ~~desperation~~ inspiration I had all the kids gather up their pillows and blankets. I threw mine into the mix and made everyone a place. Then I instructed them to gather up a half dozen or so books they'd like to read or look at. If they could be quiet, stay in their places, and not fight for a couple hours that would be school for the day.

I love reading. If I could get a job staying in my jammies, lay in bed and read book after book after book I would shun the living world and never be seen again such is the conviction of my love. I want to instill that same zest for written words to my children.

Children that have more energy than a fully fueled 747. Sitting and looking at books for hours just isn't in them. I tried to encourage it anyway by setting a good example and making use of my own spot in the book nest. For a couple hours. I sacrifice, I really do.

Little Things

2011-02-07T10:03:00.000-05:00

To break out of the homeschooling-parenting rut I've been in I decided to mix it up a bit by having a cookout.

Hotdogs are a rare treat in our house. Fire even rarer.

Even though I did this last minute (we were still collecting branches when the sun went down) and there was about a solid ten minutes where we weren't sure if the -wet- branches were going to actually catch on fire, we all had such a good time.

It was definately a much needed bit of fun and fire roasted hotdogs are amazing.

What fun things have you planned -or didn't- when life was starving for kindling?

Thanks

2011-02-01T10:05:00.000-05:00

My post last week was both a rant and a cry for help. Thanks to those that came to my aid and to those that just listened. I've taken some of the advice I've been given and while great, tremendous leaps haven't been made I think I've at least chilled out a little bit.

One suggestion I had was to set up things for the little ones to do while the older ones do school. Being able to strap Max in a highchair has its benefits. I've decided to take a weeks worth of daycare (something I was seriously considering for at least Max and possibly Emmy) and invest it in age appropriate things that are only available for play at the table, during school time.

I picked up a few wooden puzzles, color wonder markers, play dough and a magna doodle to rotate out as he gets bored. So far he's getting bored easily but at least he can't go dunk his own head in the toilet while he waits for a new thing to occupy him.

Another thing I've done is to move my laptop into the dining room where the kids do school in the mornings so I'm not distracted working on other things away from them. Being able to only accomplish the minimal school requirements makes it boring even for me. I want to get into more science and art activities but by the end I'm so worn out I don't even want to think about it. I'm going to look for more hands-on activities for their core subjects. I've already found a website (that's free to boot! http://www.spellingcity.com/) to add into their Language Arts.

I think we all get into ruts from time to time. It's crazy to think I've been homeschooling for almost five years now. Back when I first started this journey I marveled at those that had as many years experience as I do now, and it's funny to think there are times when I'm still just as lost and bewildered at the process.

Burn Out.

2011-01-27T09:40:00.000-05:00

Right now the SOR house isn't a fun place for me to be. The kids are mutining against homeschooling with the simple- yet diabolical- method of dilly-dallying. They're driving me nuts, plain and simple. I have, what I feel, are basic daily school requirements; math, language arts, reading. Everything else is done in a unschooling type manner. We study what grabs our interest in music, art, history and science when it interests us. Yet, for some reason, the kids are opposed to even just a simple handwriting lesson.

They sit. They leave the table. They make silly noises. They look at the page. They leave the table. Then a bathroom break. They're thirsty. But she's not doing her work, why do I have to? They write three letters and their hand hurts. They chat. They pick up the pencil. They fold bits of paper. Is that blood? Maybe they should get a bandaid. They ask what we're having for dinner and then complain about food I haven't even made yet. They write a couple more letters. They leave the table. They make kissy noises. Repeatedly. They write another letter and have a meltdown that it's not perfect and we go into a discussion on how no one is perfect and just WRITE THE FRIGGING LETTER.

Four hours later handwriting still isn't done and nothing else has gotten accomplished except pissing me off.

I'm right there with you.

Part of the issue is the little ones. The babies that get to watch a show during school or (like right at this very second) climb the chair the big kid is on, take their pencil and run off. In the middle of a lesson I have to leave and change a diaper or rescue Max from climbing in the toilet, coloring on the wall, climing UP the refridgerator, pulling his sister's hair, climbing into the washing machine, coloring on the walls, dumping whatever food is in his reach onto whatever closest surface that is non-food acceptable, pooping on the floor (or like yesterday the futon), coloring on the walls or using the dishwasher as a ladder.

How I feel most of the time.

I know that homeschooling can be a smooth venture. I know it won't be that way every day. But having to struggle over the tiniest things. Fight over insignificance. Battle to complete every single single-digit equation. Day after day, week after week.

Wears. Me. Out.

I get no break. No relief. My planning session for school are much the same as actually doing school. I get distracted with the myriad of crisises, every day I'm just fighting to get school completed and running between freak outs. Trying to temper a three year old and dissuade her from stealing food and eating it under her sister's bed and leaving the garbage behind, keep a two year old from maiming himself, stop the bigger girls from bickering and doing stupid things and working to get the oldest interested in something other than war machines and computer games where he holes himself up and rarely emerges for more than a potty break or sustinance (and even then I have to coerce him).

Then heft on the responsibility of miles of laundry, piles of dishes, three meals a day that need to be planned out, shopped for and made, bills to be budgeted, college to be learned, animals cared for and a husband to consider.

I feel like I'm failing. No matter what anyone else says.

My life.

I get that part of it is our recent move, the fact that not everything is even over here yet doesn't help. We just took a 2 month break during November and December so another break really isn't going to work. I actually got to the point of applying my 3 year old for VPK next year and called a daycare for a spot for the baby. Neither of which I really want to do.

I'm just running out of options, trapped in a house with no local support and fairly certain I just can't take any more.

Strawberry state of mind

2011-01-19T11:10:00.000-05:00

I've already started this year's canning escapades with 6 jelly jars of Strawberry Jam. I love the little labels I've made up but have noticed it's taking nearly as much time to create, print, cut and position the darling things as it was to make the jam. This time I smarted myself up a bit and made up labels with blank canning dates for more Strawberry Jam since I know I will be making a lot more in the very near future.

We're in a high-production strawberry state. While most of the berries sold around here have been coming out of Plant City (a place outside my 100 mile diet circumfrence) they're still pretty darn close. I'm researching u-pick places that fall within it but none are open this time of year and so far, I haven't been able to locate a farm closer that has the production levels Plant City has. I'm working on it though.

I've been allowing my brain to be more concious to what we eat, where it hails from and how it got to us. A lot of it is getting away from prepackaged foods and produce that has to be trucked in from thousands of miles away. This means eliminating things from our diet we've grown used to eating. Somethings though, I'm not sure I'll be able to do without -coffee for starters. There are a few pretty good sized CSA's in the area (community support agriculture) which have been calling my name. I think part of my grocery budget for February will be obtaining a membership somewhere.

Making the switch from the abundance of convenience city life provided to the limited seclusion of the country has been hard for me. I'm detoxing. I can feel it. My body aches for trips to the store, Starbucks and easily obtainable day trips to cultural centers. I haven't really made any friends out here which adds to my rural depression. It's not bad, just a change.

Part of the solution is to keep busy. The strawberry jam has new friends in a jar of Almond butter and a few loaves of homemade whole wheat bread. I'm learning to rely on myself to make the things I would normally have hopped into the car to go "grab" from the store. I can now make real cheese crackers for a fraction of the price of cheddar bunnies or goldfish. I think I'm going to try fruit leather with the next batch of Strawberries I pick up from the farmer's market tomorrow.

All in all, while the changes are literally life-changing, I'm comfortable with the progression and happy with my ability to see where the problems lie and actively work to make those changes. Plus, the Jam is to die for.

I did not die.

2011-01-12T09:23:00.000-05:00

You might have noticed that, while I haven't posted anything really significant, I did in fact post stuff after the Holidays that would indicate I did not die in a freak packing box incident. Which is good. I can only apologize now for the absence.

I've been working on lots of farm stuff which has been being posted on my other blog. Cause -like chips- you can't have just one. I have been thinking that this blog is going to be centered more around homeschooling, crafting and food. While I can't guarentee that farm stuff won't find it's way over here I want to focus the farm blog on well...farming.

So, after a nearly two month homeschooling hiatus, we got back in business on January 3rd. Schooling year round makes it easier to be lienient when you need to be. We schooled through most of the summer so this break didn't set us back. We still read and did things but I didn't keep track of anything.

I found this great desk/cabinet/drawer thing at a thriftstore in town and we're using this for our homeschool things now. This is such a better set up than we had at the old house.

One set of grandparent's gave the kids bookstore gift cards and after Christmas we stocked up on all new literature books for the next year (at least). Those holiday sales are awesome. The diningroom table is working out splendidly, I just have to remember I can actually sit with them now and can stop standing in the kitchen to eat.

(excuse the bed head)

Tax time is coming around which means I get to pick out the next year's school books. I'm really enjoying some of the online things like Headsprout, IXL and Brainpop. I do need to find a good art, music and history curriculum or unit studies or something. So, if you have suggestions let's hear them.

Getting used to not having so many educational places to visit right at our fingertips is definately going to be a challenge. On difficult days I can't fall back to just taking the kids to the zoo. Though the backyard is begining to look like one.

My go to

2011-01-06T16:21:00.000-05:00

I have a confession to make. Sometimes I get distracted with glossy pages, full color photos and hardcovers. My brain yells "ooh, ooh, ooh" and my hands itch to open up the cover and find the magical mysteries hidden inside.

And then, as I turn the pretty pages I get disillusioned. Disappointed. Disenchanted. Because I know that these eye-candy cookbooks don't compare to Fannie Farmer.

She's priced right, no-nonsense and is nearly 1200 pages of recipes, techniques and cooking methods along with both traditional, simple meals and elegant dishes.

She covers what to do when you overbeat an egg, how to stuff tarts and diagrams on cuts of meat from every different animal. And entire section in the front discusses the use and function of herbs and kitchen tools.

I love this book so much I'm declaring it to be the gift to give for new parents, newlyweds and everyone else that I discover is lacking some Farmer in their house.

cheap organic pumpkin

2010-12-26T18:06:00.000-05:00

Amazon is having a sale right now. This caught my eye as ALL eight of my quart jars of pumpkin I canned last season were ruined when we moved and they got misplaced. I only found them after they were warm.

You can pick up a 12 pack case of organic pumpkin puree right now for $12 shipped w/prime or $10 and change if you sign up for subscribe and save. Redeem a $5 Amazon gift card from Swagbucks(see below for signing up!) and you'll pay less than .50 a can.

I'll be back

2010-12-08T17:20:00.000-05:00

The past week has been hectic to say the least, there is so much that needs to happen between now and our move on the 18th that blogging isn't a priority right now. The kids have been having a grand time with the empty boxes. They've made tunnels and towers.

Club houses and look out places.

Which has really done nothing except keep them busy. Making messes and not helping in the least.

Homeschooling is near impossible seeing as the house is a wreck and what's not a mess is being packed up or on it's way out to the trash or donation bin.

It's pretty much driving me batty.

But it's also funny. Especially since the boxes all came from either Dell or the liquor store and the kids can read now. Makes for interesting conversation when Alex says something like "So you're packing up the kitchen stuff in the Vodka box?" or when he asks specifically for the Samuel Adams box for his books.

So, between packing and addressing holiday cards, homeschooling and cooking up the last of the stuff in the freezer, my next few weeks are going to be a bit busy but don't worry (I'm pretending you are) I'll be back before the Holidays.

Unless I die in a freak packing box accident. Then I guess this is good-bye.

Letting them go

2010-12-02T18:47:00.000-05:00

This week I've had the opportunity to grow as a parent. Something that doesn't come easily or without heart pains. The simple little thing of dropping off my oldest for a homeschool class became a turning point, a milestone, a memory I'll hold to my bittersweet heart. I hated every minute of it.

Though he'll probably never remember the day, the moment, the impact.

It was the first time I have let him go. The first time I stood on the sidelines and watched as he tried to assimilate into discussions with other (much older) kids. I had to physically pull back every cell in my body that screamed out to run to him, to protect him. We didn't have the comfortable safety of our church, or the relatively similar expectations of kids our own age. Alex is now old enough to attend homeschool classes with kids old enough to have cracking voices and facial hair.

The fact that he's about four feet shorter than the tallest and at least a foot shorter than the girls has me on edge when his bright smile falls upon kids he wants to know. Kids can be cruel. I know from experience. I want to sheild him from any possible pain.

But the time for hand holding and boo boo kissing is ending with my little man. It's an opportunity to discover new things about this fascinating person I helped create and it is also sad and scary. My heart feels like it's being torn in two. He is eager to grow up, explore the world, meet new people and depend on himself for support and encouragement. He's by no means grown up and I'm not sure I'll ever see him that way, even when he's holding his own son in his arms but it's time I started letting go, trusting them to the world.

I just wish it hadn't happened so soon.

Stuff

2010-11-30T07:18:00.000-05:00

The countdown to moving day has begun. Eighteen days are all that remain. When you're a child eighteen is huge, a monument you could never imagine attaining. When you're a grown-up and your eyes drift over the copious amounts of things that need to be cleaned, packed up or thrown out, eighteen is frighteningly small. Minisule. Minute.

And on top of it all the holidays are coming.

I've been trying very hard to be good this season. To override my impuslive, dread-filled heart that somtimes -yes, I'll admit it- gets a little green around the edges when I hear of other parent's and their holiday spending plans. The things they have on a list for their couple of kids that is feet longer than the one comprised for my five.

We're not rich, I never pretend to be. There are things that I just can't give my kids and yes, sometimes it tears me up inside. But it's ME that is hurting, bothered, angry. The kids don't seem to care a lick to be honest. There's just some soul deep fear inside me that screams my kids are going to grow up without. Lacking. Unwhole just because of some stuff I fail to gift them.

They have enough now, I know that. I look around the room and while it seems daunting to have so much, it's really not when you divide it by five. If you look inside the toy box it would seen the girls have lots of stuffed toys dolls but if you count them, they only have three a piece. That's more than some singletons have. But that's where things get tricky. One child's posessions aren't much but times-ing anything by three or five makes it seem mountanious.

They have things to create, books to inspire, toys to imagine and games to entertain. They have friends in each other, something I couldn't have brought home from the store. So, this year I'm trying to be practical filling the stockings with socks and undies, school supplies and fun workbooks, fiction reading and snacks. I found some dresses at the thrift store for the girls and a few kids will get new shoes. There are some small fun things included, the girls have been asking for Pillow Pets for over a year and I'm finally capitulating. Cordelia and Amelia will have new handmade twin quilts if I can get them completed in time. I'm trying hard to stay away from electronic toys, things that need batteries or keep us away from each other.

I got them all matching jammies and a movie to watch as a family on the Eve. Special paper popcorn boxes ($1 for 4 from Joanns) and some treats to make it special. It might only take us fifteen minutes for us all to open gifts but I think that's enough. I have to keep reminding myself while I pass shopping carts heaping with presents and adults pushing and pulling them in tandem like pack mules down Target's asiles, that my kids have what they need; a loving family and parents that are trying to create a childhood of wonder and delight without the hinderance of so much Stuff.

Conquering fear with copious cuteness

2010-11-27T20:24:00.000-05:00

After my successful canning of a few jars of cranberry sauce I decided to gung-ho it and just can up a bunch of stuff. I went to the grocery store Wednesday which was an enormous mistake. The asiles were packed with cart weilding maniacs hunting down the last minute trimmings on their lists. I was actually quite pleasantly surprised that my kids weren't the gawd awfulest behaived in the store. Nope, that award went to the middle-aged moron wearing safety headphones hooked up to his MP3 as he yelled at people to "Move please" as he shoved his cart around the tightly packed lanes, tailgaiting and cutting people off as they reached for the cumin as if he were driving his mid-life-crisis convertable down the highway.

I wanted to trip him but I refrained. It was a pre-holiday after all.

Wednesday was also the final day of the buy one get one free bags of fresh cranberries. I bought nine bags. And forgot the sugar. So, the wild canning frenzy didn't start until today when I not only picked up the much needed sugar, I also snagged 10lbs of organic pears.

After adding too much water to the cranberries and having to boil them down for over an hour, I finally got 12 half pint jars (plus another half pint that I put in the already opened last batch pint jar). I minimized the sugar to just enough to knock down the tart of the berries but not enough to make it at all sweet. The berries have plenty of natural pectin as to not need additional through sugar. Then I wasted the 15 minute hot bath processing time by making cutesy labels for the tops.

The image is courtesy of The Lily Pad, a company I've purchased clip art from before when I made the Lacing Cards. Don't ask what a hedgehog has to do with cranberries and/or canning. It's cute and that's enough reason for me.

The Ball Blue Book Guide to Preserving is a plethora of wonderous canning information and I took the time to really read the proper way to process the pears. I ended up using Florida grown honey and water to make the syrup instead of white sugar. While the jars could have been packed a bit tighter (there is a gap at the bottom where they've floated to the top) I think I did a smashing job on them and their labels. I wish I had gotten more out of the 10lbs but the chickens and rabbits loved the peels and leftovers.

Therapy Smerapy. I can conquer my own fears.

Sleep, Interrupted.

2010-11-22T09:21:00.001-05:00

In the mile long list of Things That Have Changed Since Motherhood - which is comprised of such delights as "my shirt is now a tissue" and "weekly showers" and my personal favorite "is that poop?" something that I would never have questioned in my pre-baby days- I think the very worst thing that has changed is my sleep.

Meaning, I rarely get a good night of it.

I say rarely, but I really mean never. Ever.

I am so sleep deprived it's literally a joke amongst my mom friends. We have to joke about it lest we go crazy and run away to a hotel to take a three day nap. I've even looked up Sleep which is a facinating subject I'd be interested in learning more about if even just reading about it didn't make me so tired.

This morning has been rough, like making out with 80 grit sandpaper kind of rough. The past few weeks the kids have been at a nighttime high the ups and downs circulating between children every 45 to 90 minutes. This one needs to go potty, that one can't find her water, the other had a nightmare -then another- and a fourth peed on the bed. Round and round I go jumping out of dreaming at the smallest sound of padding feet on hardwood floors trying to catch whomever is up incase their banging around in the darkness wakes up additional kids or they fall down the stairs.

Then, after whatever task is done (one night it was crawling on my hands and knees with a flashlight for fifteen minutes in the girls room to see where the cat crapped at 3am) I throw myself back into bed -which is occupied by at least Max and sometimes a couple others- and try to force sleep to claim me once again. Sometimes I'm back up before I even fall asleep.

Out of all the things Motherhood has brought with her this is the toughest to overcome. It stays with me All. The. Time. Poop can be cleaned, kids washed, dishes done, laundry cycling, boo boos mended, there is a finality to those tasks. Yes, at the time it's not fun to clean vomit from hair or poop off curtains or moldy juice from under the car seat, or rehanging the molding around the window after it gets ripped out of the wall, or plungering entire rolls of toilet paper and a couple matchbox cars from the toilet but after it's done, it's done. Period. You move on to the next crisis.*

It's not like that with sleep. Day after Day, night after night I fall farther and farther into Sleep Debt with no way to pay the Sandman. When I "wake up" in the morning, which my kid's circadian rhythms put at about 6:30, I feel more haggared and tired than I did before I laid down the night before. My limbs are lead. My mind stuffed with cotton. My eyes a painful grit in the light. Coherency won't take place until I devour at least half a cup of coffee. Most of the morning I am awake and alert but don't ask me what actually takes place. My body moves like a robot fufilling tasks with mechanical abandon.

There are so many things I can blame on sleep deprivation. My irratic moods, ask hubby about that one. My lack of getting below a size twelve could be sleep related. Lack of higher congnitive functions, no wonder I failed my semester exam the first time. My inability to remember peoples names -I'm not bad with names, I'm just sleepy. And apparently, I am at a higher mortality rate and greater risk of cardiac failure because of this sleep issue. Fun stuff!

But what to be done? Nothing. Not until the kids are older and able to function at night without me or are completely gone from the house. Neither of which I am truly looking forward to. But it's there, it is what it is. I just wish all those parenting books I read before my first came along came with a section on dealing with sleep deprivation. Even just a side note along the lines of "and don't worry about sleep after the baby comes, you're not going to get any for at least the next 18 years. Mental breakdowns may occour from lack of sleep, it's okay."

At least then I'd have been better prepared.

*all of the examples listed in the above post are actual things that have actually happened. To me. In my life.

I am scared of my pantry.

2010-11-19T18:23:00.000-05:00

One of the quintessential homemaker ideals that stretches across doily covered borders to encompass a myriad of topics like budgeting, shopping, gardening, nutrition, and apocolyptic meltdowns is canning. Taking food (preferably homegrown, organic and the like) and recreating it so that it lasts without the modern conveniences of space-aged vaccuum sealing and electrically cold storage devices.

I can't tell you how in love I am with those little embossed jelly jars. I look at them with stars in my eyes as I imagine myself in a sparkling white apron and June Cleaver skirt humming a tune whilst filling them with fabulous concoctions as I flitter around my checker board floored kitchen -which is also sparkling clean. And no, there is no word to describe my imaginative super self other than flitter.

I do not flitter. At all.

The dream dissolves like sugar in boiling water as I carry the cases of jars into the house. My heart sinks, literally. I know its true because I can feel it rest on my stomach -which at this point is churning madly threating to topple over in a very un-June way- as I put them away, wiping the dust off the top of the canning pot and push my love of a stacked pantry overflowing of gorgeous little jars in between my gut and heart so I don't throw up.

The fact is, I'm terrified of canning. Those pretty rainbow filled jars scare the crap out of me.

Yuck it up, laugh all you want, I can't hear you and I'm grateful for that. It is a completely irrational fear. Rationally, I realize that but it doesn't really change it. Why, you ask am I scared beyond reason of canning? Two words.

Food. Poisioning.

I also realize that if you follow proper canning instructions, work in a clean environment with sanitized equiptment and check freshness seals before ingesting that the percentage of actually obtaining a food-borne illness is relatively slim to none. Dying from it, again high on my list of irrational canning failures is even less emminent. But it still freaks me out.

Which is why I have a cabinet filled with what was supposed to be strawberry jam but is now renamed "Strawberry Cheesecake Topping" (remember to follow fruit to sugar ratios and pectin is your friend). The pretty little brass ringed jars have been shoved to the top most cabinet above the stove out of sight and mind, the contents of which will probably never see the light of day again until we move and I empty the vials of death and diarreah down the drain.

Ridiculous, I know.

But if I can ever redeem myself of this absurd fear I have to contiuously try my hand at canning. I want to master my fear and my incompetence in this vital homesteading area.

Today, I made cranberry relish. And I canned it.

ooohh, aaahhhhh

Please tape your cheers and post congratulatory videos on YouTube for all to see. Though two jars didn't seal those will go in the fridge to eliminate any misgivings about their viral content. The other that did will only be canned until next week when I go to the in-laws for T-day but it's a step, people. A big one.

Now pray no one gets sick, it would be the end of my canning career.

Free Play

2010-11-17T18:38:00.000-05:00

One of Olivia's favorite things is to make elaborate LEGO playscapes.

Here we have a barbeque with squids, lightsabers (or light savers as she calls them) acting as bbq cooking devices,

a refrigerator, R2-D2, a man lifting weights and a man properly holding something at gunpoint on the back patio,

a front door in the middle of nowhere and windows sans walls, little LEGO heads on single blocks to make kids because LEGO people don't come in different sizes,

a patio table with umbrella, a lined sidewalk and shrubbery. Can't be without shrubbery.

One of my favorite things is to listen to her explain what all the little details are after she works for hours on her creations. And everything is detailed. Everything is placed with purpose Nothing is without cause in Livi's free play.

Have I mentioned how much I love this girl and her imagination?

A Cold Toddy

2010-11-12T17:23:00.000-05:00

I don't review things that frequently here at SOR. The reason being that it's hard to get a good idea of something just because someone else said so. I'm a very tactile person, I think that's why I do so much crafting and farming. It's all got to do with my hands and senses being engrossed in the experience.

But I digress from the point of this post. I have something I want to show you. It's called a Toddy Cold Brew Coffee Maker. (see left)

I had a fall out with my hot electric coffee maker and since my engines run on copious amounts of caffeine, well, that just wouldn't do. I bought a stove top percolator but to be honest haven't been able to figure it out and it's now just a kettle for other hot water needs.

I also don't like hot coffee. In a state that averages 325 days of HOT I just can't cope with hot coffee early in the morning. So, I'd have to hot brew and refridgerate it anyway.

I don't get that burned taste with the Toddy because you literally can't burn it. I can make coffee with no electricity which is fabulous. I can make a weeks worth at once which is genius. The flavor is smooth, less acidic and the longer you soak the beans the richer and blacker your brew. I have been using it exclusively for months thanks to Jess at Homeschooling in Heels recommendation.

It takes more prep time than traditional hot machine brewing but I think it's completely worth it.

We're Veterans too.

2010-11-11T09:39:00.001-05:00

Every month I send my soldier away. For two to four days he works and trains for eventualities and possibilities that others go to sleep at night never worrying about. I've been doing this for close to eight years now.

Three years ago we started the dance of deployment. For National Guardsmen the steps are more brutal on homelife than other military branches because for us the training days that make up a full time soldier's work are only once a month. Which means when deployment stretches it's fingers over our units, pulling them into its grasp, training becomes a long event of multiple MUTA's shoved into weeks, tossed across a year. The soldiers are thrown between home and readiness and back again. We never knew when he'd be home. We never knew what he would miss when he wasn't.

Then the four hundred day deployment was upon us and those sporatic, handfulls of days we had the previous year seemed much too few and far between. During that training time we got pregnant and knew he'd miss the birth. The only one out of five that he wouldn't be right by my side for.

Some of that time the minutes were all I could get through, just one at a time. Counting each tearfall as just one less until he was home. The struggles and bittersweetness of parenting was shared alone. Other times the weeks slipped by into months. Seasons changed and celebrations came and went. Though there was a void in our lives, a space someone should have been. He was away doing things larger than ourselves and we comforted each other with that thought even while we prayed he would quickly come back to us. I never thought, at twenty-nine, I'd be the wife of a war veteran.

Deployment is more that one soldier leaving to do a job. It's everything that person leaves behind as well. While they are fighting and struggling and working to repair and replace, they have offered up to everyone that benefits from it a part of their lives they will never get back. Their families give this to the world as well.

My children gave you their father. They gave you every missed hug and kiss, every bedtime story that never got read. Every birthday when all they wished for was their daddy to walk through the door. All the tears they shed because part of who they were was missing. They selflessly put aside their wants and needs for a dad to come home every night, to cuddle and share and gave that to you instead. They gave theirs so yours wouldn't have to. Every memory they could have shared with their father and couldn't because of his absence was their gift to the world.

This Veteran's Day I'd like for you to add a few more people to your thoughts and prayers, I'd like you to take a moment to remember the silent supporters that wept alone, that birthed alone, that grew and experinced life missing that special person, that woke up every day hoping to hear from their loved ones. Praying to any and every God that it wouldn't be the last time they did.

Holiday Sale for my Blog Friends!

2010-11-08T10:49:00.002-05:00

I'm running a sale in my Etsy store. Trying to gather up a little holiday gift money. All purchases done in the store by Friday November 12th with the words BLOG FRIEND will get 30% off their purchase OR free shipping. Please specify which you prefer and I'll send a revised invoice through paypal.

I have some great stocking stuffers! I'll also continue to list the PDF apron patterns as they are sold so anyone that has been wanting to try it out can.

Thanks for everyone's support this year!

Cold Night

2010-11-07T18:02:00.000-05:00

I complained a lot last year that Florida doesn't give me what I need as a homesteader. How the extended summers tend to make me want to pack in more non-winter activities, like starting new crops or continuing to harvest ones that should be past their prime, when others are storing potatoes in cold closets, collecting gem colored leaves and stacking up fire wood. That the rhythm of the seasons is lacking down South, giving less time for chores regulated to winter months. I need to hear the music of the Earth as she travels through her stages. The world just doesn't seem to turn properly without experiencing the changing guides of nature, like a broken record Florida skips the beat of fall.

The sad part is that Autumn and all her majestic glory are lost to me in this never ending sea of green. Considering it is literally my favorite time of year doesn't help. It's the only time I love. I do miss the color changes, the signals of nature that scream summer is at an end. I miss the fall spices that linger in the air, the treats that can only be called Autumn and are created from her bounty. The crisp smell of a new fall day as the air snaps against chapping lips. The need for scarves and hats, gloves and boots. I want the comfort of thick socks and the crackle of a strong fire.

But I'm stuck here in the Sunshine State and I'm learning, if ever so slowly, to live with it.

We got our first cold night a few days ago. And while the weatherman calls for rising temperatures later this week, I snatched up the opportunity to feed Autumn to my soul. A smattering of cold fronts is all I get and I need them like I need oxygen to live. I gobbled up the cold armed with Mexican hot chocolate and seven layer bars. Smiling as the heat from the dehydrator is now a blessing instead of the curse it is in summer when it heats up the kitchen and dissuades me from cooking.

I love this season so much even this morning when my fingertips were near frozen while changing out the chicken water I just couldn't be annoyed about it. I gather up these cold nights and hug them close. I use them to battle the relentless heat and tide me through the lack of true seasons, doling them out one by one to see me through till the next dash of cold nights.

Pumpkin Pie French Toast -Recipe

2010-11-05T09:55:00.000-04:00

I love squash. I love that it can be savory or sweet. I love that it can be a dessert, a side, a main course or breakfast. I love growing it and visiting local pumpkin patches. I can't wait to have yards of vines weighed down with heavy gourds.

Pumpkin is one of those foods that calls out Autumn which just happens to be my favorite time of year. I recently brought home some regular and pie pumpkins to roast and can (in the fridge or freezer if you're doing purees). The yield was amazing and the flavor so sweet in those little pies that I could eat the puree without a dash of anything else.

I woke up one Friday with the gnawing need in my stomach to make pumpkin pie french toast. I'd never done it before and was too bleary eyed to look up a recipe so if this is similar to another it wasn't intentional. I broke out the family sized electric griddle (have I mentioned how much I LOVE this thing?) and set to work.

Here is the recipe.

Pumpkin Pie French Toast.

Ingredients

2 large eggs
1 cup pumpkin puree
1/4 cup milk
2 tbs cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp all spice
8 large slices of bread (I used dark whole wheat which I think too a bit away from the pumpkin flavor)

Whisk everything except the bread in a bowl while you preheat the griddle. Pour into a shallow pan or plate. Soak each side of the bread in the mixture to coat and throw on the griddle. Cook until golden brown.

You can play around with the spices and pumpkin, omitting the milk makes it harder for the bread to absorb the mix but can be done. With my griddle as long as the side is cooked completely, I don't have to use oil or butter to cook. Drizzle with real maple syrup or eat smeared with pumpkin butter.

What is your favorite pumpkin or squash recipe?

Handmade Holidays- Felt Ornaments

2010-11-04T15:02:00.000-04:00

With less than two months until Solstice (or Christmas, if you prefer) I'm running down to the wire on the Handmade Holiday things I wanted to get accomplished. I've gotten pretty much zero done.

The socks I wanted to knit are not going to happen. Don't even ask about them.

In my effort to do more handmade, involve the kids in stuff that affects our lives, include "school" in everyday and use up the plethora of supplies I have on hand, I decided the kids and I would make holiday ornaments for the tree (yes, we have a Solstice tree.) I looked up some free directions online and found some cute handsewn felt ones.

Though a lot of the prep work -the cutting out the pattern, tracing it on the felt and then cutting it out of the felt- fell to me, the kids did a great job hand stitching their selected fabrics together. They're getting much better at weilding a needle.

Olivia's pattern is adapted from The Purlbee

Cordelia's baby Partridge is from RetroMama, there is a mama Partridge on it's way, too.

Alex's anxiety-ridden owl is a pattern by JuicyBits

My only downside to this endeavor -which is usually an upside- is that they don't use very much material at all. But these are going to look awesome on the tree, be treasured for decades to come and be passed down to my kid's kids. I think this needs to be a new holiday tradition.

Overload

2010-11-02T19:36:00.000-04:00

I haven't been chatting lately because my brain is on super-automatic-overload which should be a setting on my washing machine. My hundred billion mile a minute brain hasn't been functioning well enough to give you a decent blog post. Heck, it probably still isn't at top notch but I wanted to let everyone know that yes, I am still alive. I haven't actually dipped past crazy. And I am probably likely on my way out of last weeks depressive slump. Thanks for all the encouraging words, they are truly appreciated.

So, while my brain has been super active, so has the rest of me and us.

I made pumpkin pie french toast (recipe may be forthcoming later this week).

I finished the girls halloween costumes (I might have a real tutorial for that later as well).

I made a reversable halloween/harvest banner (instructions are already up here).

We celebrated Halloween by Trick or Treating with a friend.

Yesterday and today I've been feverously typing away for NaNoWriMo. Alex has joined me with a 1k word count he's 10% completed.

I've proceesed pumpkins and squash and dehydrated a zillion organic red delicious apples into chips. I'm going to try the dried apple sauce from the Little House Cookbook. I'll let you know how that comes out.

We're doing good. We're at least doing. We'll get to where we need to be, I just need to remember to enjoy where I am.

So, so much

2010-10-25T08:20:00.000-04:00

Right now I'm not the bestest of people to be around. I'm more than likely driving my family nuts with my brooding, procrastinating, angry, Doom's Day outlook on life. It just feels like nothing is coming together. That cosmically, the play that is my life has been staged a tragic comedy of errors.

I do not like this. Not one bit.

The crux of my issues is that I am powerless over how they turn out, when they work themselves out or what I can realistically do to provide anything from not happening. It feels like the Universe is out for it's pound of flesh from me, though, I can't determine why. And it feels like so much more than just a measly sixteen ounces.

I'm desperately trying not to be cynical.

Or pessimistic.

Or jaded.

I know there are things in my life I have been blessed with. Good things, funny times. I get that...logically. But right now they are lost to me even while staring me in the face. I just can't stop feeling the way I do. There is just so, so much I can't handle and looking into the future provides me with only more dispair that this long road is truly neverending.

But I'm trying.

Mac n Cheese and Home Fries

2010-10-24T08:56:00.000-04:00

I used to get food from Schwans. I started with them years ago when I was huge pregnant with #4. I like some of their stuff and they have fairly good prices considering I don't have to drag a ton of kids the store. Then I looked at the ingredients list.

Oh. My. Word. The quick bake fries have FIFTEEN ingredients. Seriously. Fifteen! It's a french fry, I thought to myself, what on earth could it be other than a cut potato? So, I stopped buying the fries. I stopped buying boxed dry mac n cheese eons ago but trouble is my kids really like mac n cheese (what average kid doesn't?). So, the poor favorite mac n cheese got left for "special occasions" meaning someone else made it wherever we happened to be.

But no more! I have come up with some simple, healthy alternatives for these classic comfort foods.

Home Fries or Baked Potato Wedges

Potatoes
1tbs oil
sprinkle of salt
seasoning (optional)

I used white potatoes with the skins on, olive oil, Hymalaian sea salt and salt free general purpose seasoning.

Cut the potatoes into wedges. Place in a bowl with the oil, salt and seasoning. Use your hands to toss and bake at 375 F for 15 min, then flip and do another 15 min.

Mac N Cheese

1lb noodles
1lb cheese
2 cups milk
2 tbs Flour

Cut the cheese into small chunks. Melt the cheese in the milk in a sauce pan over medium high heat adding flour in 1tbs increments to reach desired thickness. While this is cooking boil the water and cook the pasta, we used shells. Drain pasta when finished, put back into the pot and stir in the cheese.

Enjoy!

Halloween Apron Tutorial-ish

2010-10-20T14:32:00.000-04:00

It was brought to my attention that by the time I got the girl's costumes finished it would be too late to share the pattern because it would more than likely already be Halloween by then. Yes, I've been procrastinating making the costumes.

Please excuse the crummy photos but here is the general gist of the girls costumes. These are very versatile aprons I've designed based on one we found at a thrift store eons ago. I'm putting a very basic peasant shift under each which will later be used as jammies or decorated for regular wear dresses. The aprons are small enough to not take up much room after the holiday and the materials are inexpensive.

I took each girls measurements and drew out the pattern. The front panel is cut 4 times (fold in half and cut on the fold for the chest piece). I added 1/4" seam allowance to each side of each measurement.

Sew together at the shoulders and iron open to creat a rectangle with a rectangle in the center with raw edges all round the outside. Pin right sides together and top stitch along the inner rectangle. Turn right side out and iron flat. Iron a 1/4" hem along the outer sides leaving the bodice bottom open.

The bottom apron is cut approx 5" wider than the top and I hand pleated it to make a "skirt" Sew the skirt right sides together to the back and front of the waist pieces on the bodice. The ties are 3" by 25" made into a double fold bias that was sewn on top of the seam of the top and skirt.

I used a scrap piece of white and navy blue bias tape (because that's what I had on hand) to creat the little crossed bodice on the front of Emmy's. She's Little Red Riding Hood. Her peasant underdress will be white and I will be making a red fleece hooded capelet for her.

Olivia is going to be Alice in Wonderland. I used very inexpensive white muslin for her apron. I sandwhiched some ruffled edging along the outer sides of the bodice. Her underdress will be light blue.

Cordelia is going as Dorothy from Oz. Her apron will be blue checked like Emmy's but without the front detail, she'll have a white underdress too. She's the only one that got anything additional in the form of red sparkly shoes. But again, she can reuse those after the festivities are over.

If you have any questions I'll be happy to answer, I know written directions can be a little vague but I just don't have the time to do a full blow tutorial right now! Hopefully you understand.

Flat Marcus

2010-10-19T12:32:00.001-04:00

My cousin's kid is reading Flat Stanley in their Kindy class and we are the lucky recipients of his self-portrait flat person, Flat Marcus. This is the first of this we have ever done before.

Now, the instructions said to take *a* photo of Flat Marcus and to write about our community. But I'm what they label an "over-achiever".

Here is Flat Marcus peeping from our mailbox.

We took him to many places but here are some highlights. Above: Raymond James Stadium home of the Bucs. Below: Flat Marcus tanning himself on Clearwater Beach. (note: I laminated him because I knew were were going to get him wet and I am supposed to send him back).

He visited University of Tampa and the Plant Museum which looks like a fairy tale castle.

It said sending a souviner was "optional" but we all know that to over-achievers optional means must. So, Flat Marcus will go back to three dimensional Marcus with some beach sand and rabbit wool.

And being that this is set for Kindy aged kids, I had the brilliant idea of creating a photo book instead of filling out a boring old survey. We included a map of where we live (printed off Google maps) along with dots to show the places Flat Marcus went. Each page opens like a book with one side the photo and the other descriptions of our lives, community and where we took Flat Marcus.

I tried to write it like a story book, making it easy for Kindy kids to understand with short sentences for each photo and still be somewhat exciting.

I mailed it out this morning and completely forgot to take a photo of the book before it got packed away with a small baggie of super soft white beach sand and super soft white bunny fur.

I hope I the kids get an opportunity to do this again soon!

It's that time of year again.

2010-10-18T17:48:00.000-04:00

No, not Halloween or fall or autum or harvest or anything like that (though those are all happening here and are wildly important to us).

Nope. It's NaNoWriMo time again.

Let me take you back in time for a moment to November 30, 2009. Last year I was happy, optimistic and tired beyond belief. I have an OLL sticker on my car and a NaNo one on my laptop. I earned those last November.

After that day, I lost my novel for about five months. I missed the deadline to get my book edited and published into a softcover for free. I started six more novels and haven't finished a one. I failed miserably at Script Frenzy. I don't even want to talk about that. Forget I mentioned it.

And now, October 18th, 2010, my mind is racing with scenes for a new book. I actually have the thing mapped out start to finish, something I haven't really ever done before. I'm researching names, establishing hirearchies and developing a world unseen before.

If you click on the "Writing" hot link on the right you'll see some sporatic mentions of my creative writing side. I've always been interested in writing. It's one of those Must Do Before I Die things, to get published by an actual company and have my book present for sale at say...Borders.

High asperations? Possibly. But we only go around once on this crazy ride. I intend to max out my ticket.

My Pumpkin Patch

2010-10-16T17:52:00.000-04:00

Why I sometimes feel like I'm taking crazy pills

2010-10-15T13:19:00.000-04:00

Cordelia "Mom, do you think toothless is real?" (from the movie How to Train Your Dragon FYI)
Me "I don't know, maybe sometime it was real, probably not now." (me trying not to disillusion my 5 year old)
Cordelia "I wish toothless was real."
Me "That would be neat. I think toothless is cute."
Cordi "Who's cute?"
Me "Toothless."
Cordelia "Who's toothless? Livi is missing her front teeth but she's not toothless."
Me "The dragon."
Cordelia "What dragon?"
Me "In the movie."
Cordelia "What movie?"
Me "How to train your dragon."
Cordelia "Oh, we just bought that. Do you think toothless is real?"

A call to arms

2010-10-14T09:01:00.000-04:00

well, maybe more like a call to your cutting table. I'm in need of some vintage yellow 6.5" quilt squares. Blues/greens/pinks are welcome too but with some sort of yellow involved.

Emmy informed me the other day "When you make my ye-wouw bankie?" and when a three year old looks at you in a certain doe-eyed way there really isn't anything much you can do but graciously acquiesce.

I was thinking of doing a swap. I have a plethora of fabrics longing to be cut into something. I can send back as many squares as I am sent. I have a good stash right now but only about 6 differnent patterns and definately not enough for a twin sized quilt.

If you're interested in helping me make a little curly haired babe's wish come true, send me a message at UUmom2many@yahoo.com and we can arrange the swap.

If you need coaxing here you go.

Happy Day!

2010-10-09T07:45:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was husby and my twelve year anniversary. Yeah, TWELVE. I can hardly believe he's put up with my insanity this long and is actually looking forward to dealing with me for even more years to come.

Twelve years ago.

It's hard to remember a time before kids. Where we did things as a couple or did nothing at all.

A magical time where I actually fit into a single digit pant size. And I complained it wasn't good enough.

Then the busy days of childrearing started and those special times between us grew further part. We don't have the luxuries of coupledom anymore. Our days are harried with our separate persuits; his, working to support us and mine, supportive of our work. But it's been a good twelve years. Looking back at the memories of our childless days, I smile, I laugh at our immaturity, but I wouldn't trade the world to go back.

Here's to a happy day and many more to come.

Engrossed

2010-10-06T12:31:00.001-04:00

I learned my lesson the last time I made pita bread, that cranking up the oven to 500F during an 100 degree day just isn't really very smart. So today, now that the weather has turned to cooler days that hint at autumn, I thought it would be a great treat to make today.

Learning still, from my tendency to just do it myself rather than letting the kids help, I let the kids help. Home Economics has become a core subject.

I was really happy with their ability to use a rolling pin. Though I mixed up the dough in the Kitchenaid and manned the ~~fires of Hell~~ oven, there wasn't a whole lot else for them to do.

Don't mind the marker on her hand, it won't wash off so I didn't worry about it getting in the food. Who bought non-washable markers anyway? Oh, me. Right.

I have found that I actually crave good pita bread with a generous smearing of raw, local honey more than chocolate chip cookies. And that is really saying something.

My favorite quote of this whole thing was Olivia exclaiming "Oh my God, we're EATING SCHOOL!"

Stealing.

2010-10-03T15:00:00.000-04:00

**** Parental warning: Profanity is involved in this post****

I'm so riled up right now I can hardly blog straight. I am so angry, pissed off, frustrated, my rage is so huge it needs it's own zip code. I want to run outside and scream to the world "What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!". Though, half my neighbors don't speak English, I think they'd get the gist of my question. The other half would think I've finally fallen into the deep end.

I came home from church today, looking forward to a relaxing afternoon of crafting while the kids chilled out and watched a movie. But I couldn't get in my driveway. There was a white SUV parked infront of it and a man hopping out, jogging towards my house. I stopped and watched. Rolled down the window. He proceeded to take some logs I was saving to cut and dry to have a campfire with the kids. I yelled out the window and we exchanged words about his removal of my property from my property. Apparently, he was confused that the items sitting a good twenty feet into my yard were not in fact trash, even though they had a close proximity to the recycle bins. He threw them back towards my gate and they hightailed it out of my street before I could even pull into the driveway.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned someone stealing my debit card number and charging things to my bank account. I still haven't gotten all my bills set up with the new card number.

What is going on with people and stealing?

It is obvious that charging things on someone elses card is wrong. But isn't this person's behaivor in the same category as the other? Why does he feel it's acceptable to remove even something that he may feel is trash from someone else's yard without permission? If it is worthy to him, could it not be worthy to me also? Who gives others the right to decide?

I teach my children that stealing is wrong. We had a period with Olivia where she would pocket things at the store. Every time I found her out we walked back to the store and she confessed and apologized. I explained how the system works and why her behaivor isn't socially acceptable. She doesn't steal anymore. Have these adults missed this lesson?

The definition of stealing in my Encarta dictionary is this: to take unlawfully, to take something that belongs to somebody else, illegally or without the owner's permission. I came in and looked it up. Then double checked with Google to reassure myself that the world hasn't flipped on it's head and stealing doesn't now mean what I have always believed so.

Not only am I angry but I feel violated. If these people came to my home when it's obvious no one is here with the intent to take what doesn't belong to them, what else are they willing to do? What would they do when we are home? My place of safety doesn't feel so much that way anymore. Did he think about that when he assured me "it's all good." before hopping back into the passenger side as his get-away driver hauled ass in reverse away from me?

I assure you, it's not all good. Not good at all.

I have always felt that the past few generations have developed a sense of entitlement. That they want but not work. The general attitude of "someone else will if I won't" vibrates through me when I'm in large crowds. This feeling of absolution when knowingly doing wrong. Entitlement without earning is a sin. Thinking you can have something because of who you are, where you pray, what you look like, how much stronger you are than someone else, who your parents are, how much money or education you have or the fact you can just plain get away with it without getting caught should be right up there with the Thou Shalt Not Kill.

The world is not a free ride. What you do has consequences. The things you do because you can hurt other people. While you sit in the safety of your unviolated home smiling about the one you just put over on someone, that person at the end of your sin is weeping. Whether it's stealing from "the man", taking what might be an insignificant wood pile, pocketing that wallet left in the bathroom stall, falsifying statements or writing down a credit card number with ill intent

STEALING IS WRONG.

And Karma is a bitch.

Stages

2010-10-02T08:34:00.000-04:00

One of the hardest parts of parenting small children is the constant shifts in stages. I'm experiencing a multitude of stage changes in my youngest, Max, right now. He has decided he is finished with naps. He has learned how to scale the stair gate. He has shunned his bed in favor of mine. He has developed a huge jealous streak and will fight you tooth and claw if you even think to give me more than a passing glance. All in the past three short weeks.

Our recent wonderful working schedule of schooling while he takes a 2-4 hour nap in the afternoon has been shredded to bits under his tiny hands. He demands my attention during math. If he could reattach himself in some way to my body he would. His three word vocabulary is incessant until I break down and give him whatever "this" he is feverously pointing at no matter if I'm in the middle of instructing a lesson. He bites. He steals handwriting pencils and mars English books with crayons.

I think back to the other kids who have all gone through similar changes. When they discover they are actually a different person than I am. When they can act on their curiosity. And make big messes. That they have needs and wants and can actively get them met. That they can vocalize those needs and wants. Loudly. Though, when the majority of them entered this stage, we weren't beholden to the law to homeschool.

Needless to say, its been a challenging past few weeks. Trying to mete out a new schedule that gets everything done, sees to everyone's needs, has been a start-stop-fail-start again operation. But we all go through stages. Areas in our lives when what had worked for us no longer does so and an overwhelming need to grow and change. They can be dramatic, like Max's new emotions and abilities, or subtle changes in routines and desires. I know that has been true for me, at thirty, I'm at a stage in my life that requires that dramatic change and I, like Max, have to take the whole family on the ride.

Yes, it's harried, frantic and frustrating but it's still miraculous to see the changes in him. The emergence of the person he is meant to be is amazing. The potential is limitless and astounding. Awe inspiring. I wouldn't miss this metamorphosis for the world.

I just hope whomever is watching my changing stages is equally impressed.

Behaivor vs. Consequence

2010-09-28T11:30:00.000-04:00

Some of you know I'm currently working on an AA in Early Childhood Education. I really have no desire to become a standard public school teacher at any point, it was honestly just a whimsical choice at the beginning of my studies. It seems that whatever guided me down this path was spot on. Though not for the purpose of educating the masses, the curriculum is helping me discover things about homeschooling and parenting that I had learned but forgotten over the stressful years of schooling, single parenting and birthing many, many kids.

One of the lessons I have re-learned is the value of behaivor versus consequence and the rationalizations of a young mind. Some of you may know this, it might be new to others, and yet still, some may be like me and have learned it but lost the knowledge.

Consequences have no value if they are not directly related to the behaivor.

Read that again.

Absorb it.

Read it a third time if you need to. I did.

I can't tell you how many times I've been at the end of my rope disciplining my kids. I get so frustrated and angry that behaivor correcting becomes reduced to harsh punishment that doesn't correlate to the unacceptable actions. I'm not perfect and that's okay, only if I strive to be better.

Many times I've sent the kids to be early, put them in time out, or taken away privedges based on behaivor I didn't take the time to understand. How can a young mind rationalize that the punishment for not cleaning their rooms when asked becomes early bedtimes? The room is still a mess, going to bed has nothing to do with messy play. And by the time we're done arguing and yelling over their lack of obedience the kids are crying, I'm angry and neither is a good way to form relationships with others. The work will be there in the morning and the consequence if they are still not cleaning will be something dramatically different at nine a.m.

How can a child understand what is expected of them if they haven't been taught? A dog is obedient, a child is not. Yelling and screaming only pushes the young mind to detatch from the present. Long drawn out discussions (which is usually just the parent talking) have them zoning out even if you get a head nod at the appropriate time. A child doesn't learn to obey, they learn to live in a socially acceptable way with those around them based on self control not parental control.

Applying the proper consequence to an undesireable behaivor links the two together in a child's mind. Consistentcy in consequences is another key to helping children understand what is acceptable and what is not. As is realistic parent expectations. These are based on the emotional and physical skill level of the child which you can find information on based on age. These standards can help you determine what is acceptable for you to expect at any given developmental stage and to curb your unrealistic expecations to their level.

The younger the child, the more immediate the consequences should be. Telling a three year old that because they stayed up too late at night last night and therefore needs to go to bed earlier tonight creates confusion and will most likely result in a difficult bedtime. There is too far a space between behaivor and consequence. Though an eight year old might be able to rationalize that consequence.

The goal of consequence (which can be negative or positive) is to create an environment where unacceptable behaivors are undesireable to the child based on experiences that reinforce positive social behaivors. Not based on fear.

Did you get that? They're not based on fear.

Physical or emotional abuse might get your child to respond but they'll be looking for loop-holes. They'll continue the behaivor if they think they can get away with it. There is no inner desire to control behaivor other than fear of punishment which is a whole nother blog post and completely different from consequence.

Punishment and Consequence are not the same.

These past few days I've been really taking a look at how I respond to behaivor in my kids. It's hard to always be patient, loving and kind when I am tired, frazzled and busy. The few additional moments it will take me to properly redirect and apply consequences for undesireable behaivor will save me time later on when they are at a maturity level that has higer self-control.

I urge you to look at your parenting skills and see if there is an area you could brush up on. Becoming parents didn't have our brains automatically downloading The Good Parent Handbook and life can sometimes get in the way of knowledge we've previously accumulated.

Parenting is a full time job, we need to keep current on our skills, recognize when we've lapsed and work towards being the loving, caring parents we know we can be. Remember, we're raising people that will someday be parents themselves our jobs here are crucial.

The Awesomeness of Old

2010-09-25T16:17:00.000-04:00

We took a trip to Cracker Country for National Smithsonian Museum Day today.

The simplistic beauty of these hundred plus year old homes just speaks to my soul.

I look around and think "Yeah, this is where it's happening. This is the place to be."

The simplistic beauty of purpose is astounding.

It's even better when the kids are completely engrossed.

Especially in a place where hard work is valued,

and there are no electronics to mollify them.

The next six

2010-09-24T12:34:00.000-04:00

My head is close to implosion with everything floating around in there. Part of the problem is the disorganization, clutter and overwhelming amount of stuff that has to get done over the next six months.

There is so much on the plate that has no clear definition or path. Things have to get done but I don't really have a clue as to how to get them checked off my list. I have an overwhelming desire to just sweep everything out and start anew. From scratch. Bare. Pure.

Though I realize that won't fix really any of my problems. No solutions will come from starting over, my issues aren't really with things. It's just something that I can control, is tangible. Six months isn't even a set in stone date. It's just a number I came up with, a passage of time that I feel comfortable with. Something to soothe my frazzled state.

I'm hoping that much of our problems will be done in the next six. I'm hoping at least to have goals and definitions for the myriad of things knocking on my door by that time. Until then, I'm just a hard working hot mess trying to find at least a little joy.

Lights out

2010-09-14T09:38:00.000-04:00

A few days ago the usually afternoon shower came by. It's hurricane season which means we get a lot of storms. I love it. The rain is soothing. Hubby and I had even dreamed of moving somewhere more precipitous. Like Ireland or Oregon.

It was dinnertime and the pasta just came off the stove in time for the power to go out. Flickering lights are a given but this time it stayed off for almost an hour. I'm glad I made the soy candles a few months ago. I placed them around the kitchen creating pockets of warm yellow glow. The kids loved it.

But rain deluges don't get me out of homestead chores. The only outside animals are the rabbits. Dinner, for them, still needed to be served. I don't mind the rain but it does put a little note in my mind that when we move I'm sorely unprepared for trekking across marshy meadows. Flipflops on my handmade deck are what works for now. It will come though. Needs will be met as they come.

Which is how I'm trying to take everything. Excitement can make me over-eager to get things before we're ready. It will happen. We'll get on our land where need for true muck boots will be a necessity, not just a vision of things to come. Slowing down and appreciating how things are and how they will be settles my restless heart.

Having the lights out for a short time helped me to see.

Simplicity is Scary

2010-09-13T13:55:00.000-04:00

This move has prompted us to radically scale back belongings. Though, for months and years we've been disparaged over our "things". We know they have begun to rule us. Enjoyment is halted, walking is hindered, spaces become confined, money seeps away with the need for "things". Where does the need to have come from? When are we conditioned to need so much?

I surely don't remember being taught consumerism. I suppose, though, that was the point.

Giving up and letting go, thirty years into my life, is scary. I think to myself somewhat silly though valid questions and thoughts.

"What if I need this and can't afford to get another?"

"How will I do things without the proper tools?"

"I spent money on this. Just to give it away seems foolish."

"What if something happens and I don't have what I need?"

"How can I effectively teach our kids with a smaller library of resources?"

Then changing lifestyles comes with it's own need for things. The tools for new trades, new work and self-sufficiency require things that have been needless in our past lives. I find myself buying galvanized tubs, portable water containers and searching for a low priced clothes wringer. Things I have never had use for until now. Unless I give way to the simplification of our other household items, fitting these new utilitarian necessities into our shrinking home is impossible.

Though some things are being switched out for more useful, longer lasting, multipurpose items, the release of things we've grown dependant -but don't need- is still overwhelming and scary. And I will admit there are things I don't want to give up. Things I'm not ready to let go. Each day, week, month brings me closer to finding closure. To understand that giving up doesn't mean having less. Each step towards simplicity brings me a step closer to the things I truly want in life. Even if at first it seems frightening.

Frogger + Pacman + Japan + Toiletries = Awesome.

2010-09-11T19:18:00.000-04:00

I stumbled upon this tutorial while searching for a link to send a friend. Instantly, I knew I had to make this bag. I'm going away for my birthday weekend next week and am lacking in the awesome toiletry bag department. Actually, I have no toiletry bag at all, so this was a welcomed project.

The whole thing whipped up in about an hour. Though your time might be significantly less if you're not pausing to wipe yogurt out of someone's hair, changing dirty diapers or chasing children around the house trying to retrieve forks, permanent markers and other random hazards. Even with those distractions, I still ended up with a rockin' bag.

The instructions are straight forward, lots of photos and free. What's not to love? I will say this is fairly small. If you carry a small department store's cosmetics counter with you, you'll need to make a larger bag. I'm not judging, just forewarning. Fortunately, for me, my toiletry needs are simple and sparse; shampoo, spare contacts, toothbrush and deodorant. Easy peasy. And, dare I say, Japaneesy.

I got this fabric as a freebie when I ordered my last shipment of Japanese Lego fabric. It's imported from Japan, is a medium weight cotton canvas and just about the coolest thing ever. How can you not be drawn to the Frogger-Pacman-esque theme? The myriad of dots, stripes, Japanese words I have no idea how to read, and zigzags call out to the primal Eighties era crafter in me. Until now, it had sit in my stash being neglected. I just couldn't figure out what to make with it.

The inside is lined with a scrap piece of orange dots. The zipper was actually an 18" I cut to size and the tabs on the sides are grosgrain ribbon because I didn't feel like making them. I already have plans on making another for sewing stuff.

I love this bag.

I'm broke, leave me alone.

2010-09-10T14:04:00.000-04:00

My debit card number got stolen at some point and I there are two charges pending in my bank account that are unaccounted for. My bank is awesome (thanks, USAA!) and have started proceedings to get them off. But now I have to wait for it to get redeposited, wait for a new debit card and get to be paranoid about anything else that happens.

I'm stalking my bank account like a crazed ex.

It's not fun.

It's not the lighting...

2010-09-08T07:20:00.000-04:00

Monday we went to the Aquarium and since it was a holiday, Rob got to go with us. Usually, I'm the only one that gets to take our kids to fun places. It was a nice change. I also made him man the camera. Another change. Finally, I'm in some photos showing that my children do actually have a mother and aren't running wildly over the city by themselves.

But then I got to look at the photos. Oh. Oh, dear. I tried to convince myself that it was the very horrible underwater lighting from the fish tunnel that made the black lines under my eyes.

But the succession of photos (five in all) all show the same thing. When did I get these huge saddlebags under my eyes? When did I become a linebacker? My journey towards thirty (which ends on the 19th) has been a hard thing to swallow. I thought I'd be fine. "Eh, thirty, whatever." I'd catch myself saying when I was closer to twenty-nine. Oh, my naieve younger self!

But I am having a problem with aging. Trying to deny it isn't helping. This life mark, stepping stone, accomplishment, whatever you want to call the turning point of thirty, has my heart clenching regardless of the ridiculousness of it. And I do realize it's a little silly. I still can't help the feeling.

So, I look at my photos. Sometimes. I accept the black bags. Or try to. I stop myself from agonizing over the calendar and my death-march to thirty. Maybe. I take back the camera to hide the aging evidence. Definately.

Gifts for a Girl

2010-09-04T12:05:00.000-04:00

I've been keeping this project secret for four days now. I can barely contain myself. I'm actually writing this blog post earlier than I'll post it because I still want it to be secret. After lunch, we're headed to a little girl's birthday party. I've known this little one since she was still gestating in her mama's belly.

I used the pattern in the book One-Yard Wonders. The book is great for fairly simple projects with limited resources. Unfortunately, the project I picked -the Fabric Dollhouse- wasn't at all simple.

I like to pride myself that I can figure out how to do stuff with minimal directions but this house nearly drove me insane. Though now that I know how to do it, it's actually quite simple.

The hardest part was the lack of measurements and the discrepancy between the house they show you they made and the instructions they provide. Their house has a roof and a garden. The directions have you making a house that's all the same color interior/exterior.

Everything for this I had on hand which is pretty amazing. I even stole photos off the mom's facebook page and printed them on inkjet compatible fabric.

And of course, true to my nature, I didn't add the proper number of button closures and didn't put enough batting in the thing so it's a little delapidated. Things I have learned over the past four days. 1. Don't start a handmade present that requires this much work without at least a weeks notice.

2. Directions are for suckers.

3. I suck at hand sewing.

4. Don't make fun new projects infront of the same age/gender children you're not giving anything to.

My girls won't stop asking for one now.

I used lots of buttons for embelishments; the rose shaped ones for the rose bushes outside, the flowers in the garden, the door knob on the front door. The rest is pieces cut from wool felt and hand stitched with embroidery floss. The doll is one of my Bestest Friends that I handpainted. There is another girl but she wasn't done "getting dressed".

I hope she likes it.

Makes me laugh every time.

2010-09-03T14:31:00.000-04:00

The unsuspecting Jenna gets pounced on while playing outside.

Smithsonian Museum Day Sept 25th

2010-09-02T16:40:00.000-04:00

Don't forget to claim your ticket for free admission for one person plus guest valid on September 25th, 2010 from Smithsonian Museum. There are hundreds of museums participating in this program. We're going to use ours to visit Cracker Country, a local Florida Pioneer historical museum.

Last week I won one of Cracker Country's Electronic Field Trip DVD's. With my procrastination issues, giving me a deadline field trip of the 25th to get our lessons in really helps.

What museum are you planning on attending?

When the Teacher becomes the Student

2010-09-01T10:17:00.000-04:00

A new school year has started. This year my oldest would be entering third grade (where did the time go?) I say "would" because he's never been in public school and is not working at a fully third grade level, on a few things he's above. But I can't say he's a third/fouth/fifth grader, I would just confuse people. We have been doing this homeschool thing for four years now and I still have a hard time at times.

Am I doing things right?

Are they learning everything they need?

Will they grow up just as smart as the Valedictorian?

Will not being Valedictoriain or Quarterback or Prom Queen or Class President make them feel like they were left behind? Left out? In any way deprived?

There are times when these questions -and a slew of others- don't even register in my brain. I just know its working out. I know they love their lives and are learning regardless of me drilling them with times tables (which we don't really do). I know it because they surprise me with their knowledge.

Imagine this, I am with them 24/7, I oversee everything they have exposure to and dole out what they require for learning on a daily basis and they astonish me with the words that come out of their mouthes. They know things I didn't know they had a clue about.

I must be doing something right if they learn after the text books are put away for the day. That makes me proud, confident, happy.

But it's not always like that, it hasn't always been that way. I will admit that I am a perpetual planner. I plan, plan, plan and then plan some more. Make lists, do research, make a budget sheet but my fault comes with follow through. Life gets in the way. I have so many brilliant ideas for teaching, field trips to go on and assignments to work that I fall short of actually implementing many of these mind-blowing learning adventures. I'm disappointed in myself for this personal fault.

I'm not perfect, I get that. But I want to be for my kid's educational sake's. When I'm not, I pound hard blows to my own confidence in teaching.

It's a weakness I desperate to work through. I need to work on just getting up and going and seeing where we end up instead of working out how each step will be made to get there.

Teaching my children has opened up so much about my own experiences in public school. I remember my own reasons for being a "gifted" student and getting straight A's and it wasn't because I craved learning. It was to get the emotional pat on the back from those I felt were superior. Once I didn't desire that emotional bolstering learning fell away and I didn't want to be apart of the system anymore. So, at fifteen I dropped out. Learning left me for a long time.

The current educational system leads us to believe that after formal education is completed for the day, the year, at graduation, that learning is done. Our brains are "allowed" to turn off and tune out. Learning after regulated school days comes with stigmatisms of "overachiever" or "nerd". Learning has become a punishment for acedemic fulfillment.

I eventually went back to highschool and got my diploma but it was just a task to be completed. I was always good at workbook pages. Since teaching my own children I have re-learned learning though it has been a hard emotional process to endure. I am still finding out things about myself and my desires that I need to work through. I want to know things now. I want to engross myself in things that interest me. I get excited over things and love the ability to explore them in as much depth as I want. I find myself getting overly animated and unable to stop talking when someone tips the lid on something I'm learning about. I have the enthusiasm and drive that I see in my own children's eyes when they tell me about something they've uncovered.

I have become childish in my learning. And it's a very good thing. It's also opened my patience to listen whole heartedly when they come to me explaining at length their newest discovery in minute detail.

I never want my children to have to re-learn their love of exploration and education. Hindsight has allowed me the gift of understanding. Self-honesty has shown me my weaknesses and has given me an opportunity to work towards strengthing them. Homeschooling has blessed me with the gift of becoming the student.

Building a Better Bonnet

2010-08-27T08:19:00.000-04:00

I revised the bonnet pattern yesterday. I'm quite pleased though it needs a little tweaking.

According to the kids, the back needs to be "bouncier". Oh, those Prairie Girls and their bouncy backed bonnets.

The brim is near perfect but "the stringers are too big". Which translates from three year old to the ties are too long. Today that will be rectified.

It resembles a newsboy a bit. I blame the lack of bouncy back part and using too long a piece of elastic on the neck line. Perhaps even narrowing that back part considerably might be in order. It literally took me about twenty minutes to draw the pattern and construct the thing. And I didn't get mad or confused once. I even made different sizes.

"Mommy, we read Liddle House on the Querry now?" Emmy asks. "I have my bommet on."

This is why I sew.

There's been a discrepancy here

2010-08-26T09:06:00.000-04:00

In our quest for All Things Prairie, the girls have requested sunbonnets. Bonnets? Sure, why not. I can make a bonnet. Because of my ~~laziness~~ busy-ness, I decided not to try and recreate the wheel by making my own pattern and just go out and buy one. I ditched the bow on the back and the extra neck protector piece the pattern calls for. I looked at the way Olivia's bonnet we purchased from Cracker Country at the fair earlier this year. I prefer her hand folds to McCall's required gathering. The pattern is sized for girls ages 7-10 years. Olivia is 7, her bonnet fits her so I thought that would be what I'd get; a bonnet fit for a little girl. What I got was completely different...

That's me under the monstrosity, if you can't tell.

Really, McCalls? This is sized for a child? There has been a huge discrepancy in pattern sizing which is one reason I just ditched fifty uncut patterns at the thirft store. It's frustrating for a fairly experienced sewer, I can't imagine what a novice must encounter. This hat is huge. Really, it's sizes too large for my larger than average sized head. I know I have a big head because hats. never. fit. The fact I found one good hat doesn't give way to illusions that my head is in any way, shape or form an average hat-wearing sized head.

The instructions alone are confusing and convoluted. There is even a step sewing a piece they never told me to cut out. Why sew the ties together and then curse every inch of the tubing by pulling it right side out? Why not just make them large enough to make a bias and save so many perfectly sane women from frustrated and foul tempers? Why not include finished dimensions on the friggin pattern so we can decide for ourselves what would make a ridiculous sized bonnet for our kids with normal sized heads? By my calculations, I'd have to buy the bonnet pattern for sizes 6-12 months to get a hat the right size for my five year old. Now, I'm stuck with a gigantic bonnet, wasted yards of fabric, two disappointed children and the new task of just making the stupid pattern myself which I should have done in the first place.

McCall's should be ashamed of themselves. Deluding sewers by falsely sizing patterns fit for giants. Deluding little girls intent on imagining themselves as Laura or Mary by creating ununiform patterns that won't ever, ever fit their heads. Even if they do end up with fairly large ones.

It's been a time

2010-08-19T08:52:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the quiet week, there's been much going on. Right now we're scrambling to get the shabin habitiable. We're on a coundown that has no defined end. WE have to turn a 1200 square foot house and 8x10' shed into 400 square feet of living space forty minutes from town. A yardsale is scheduled to commence at 8 a.m. Saturday morning. I look at everything now in a different light.

"Can we keep this?" "What worth does it have?" "What other uses can it perform?"

I've unconciously developed a merit system for everything we own. Everytime I pick something up to clean or straighten or use my mind becomes a ruthless chopping block for our posessions. I imagine my appliances, slowly ammased over long years, trembling in fear that they won't live up to my new standards. My kitchen has become the parts store in The Brave Little Toaster. They probably sing tales of woe and horror when I turn the light off for the night.

This change is going to be significant, drastic. I reminded the kids of the Ingalls and how like pioneers we'd be. Apparently, that was a poor choice since now they want to know when we're buying a wagon and horses. I'm trying to look at everything in a more than positive light. We're diving in with both feet and a hard prayer. But I need ideas, insight and inspiration. Here are some things I'm still unsure about

-keeping food for seven people by only using a small compact 4cu ft fridge
-how to bake without an oven
-what to stock up on in dry goods that are still healthful
-what essential homeschool things we'll need

So, I pose this question to you, if you had to downsize by 2/3rds, everyone has approximate 57 square feet to themselves, what is a necessity? what can you not live without? How would you do it?

Welcome to the Farm

2010-08-14T10:16:00.000-04:00

Four Americauna Pullets

Came home with us today.

Welcome to the Farm.

Can't see the garden for the weeds

2010-08-13T18:05:00.000-04:00

I've let myself become neglectant of the garden. Maybe it was because the zucchini died, the corn collapsed and the tomatoes became brittle brown sticks. Though, parts of the garden are still flourishing, I honestly couldn't tell what was wanted and what was weeds.

I tried to mow yesterday but I gave myself blisters from trying to pull-start it. Apparently, there's a cord that needs replacing and has absolutely nothing to do with my embarassing lack of upper body strength. Nothing at all. Really.

I went to Lowe's after a wonderful lunch with hubby at this fabulous Italian deli. I am scouring the city in search of cull lumber to build a chicken coop. Cull for an animal is a very bad word. Cull for lumber is very, very good. Cull lumber is the pieces of wood that are left over after people get them cut. Or they're warped, cracked and otherwise unsellable wood. These are sold at a very small price (depending on store) and usually kept in a cart by the huge lumber cutter or in the back. If you can't see a cart, ask*. Yesterday, I got a cart of plywood plus a few other boards for .64. Yes, I am head over heels for cull lumber. The deck and the hod are almostly completely cull.

Things that prevented us from jumping into poultry have been cancelled and I want to correct the fact that I have never actually held a chicken. A live one, I mean.

I also needed a square shovel to scoop rabbit poop. I've been wanting one for a while now. I have very simple needs. But while I was in the garden section I spotted a very pretty, very handy tool that I felt I had to have, too. An electric weed wacker**. Take that overgrown-ness.

*Using the term "cull" at the lumber yard makes you sound knowledgeable and not merely an idiot with power tools. They also like it when you climb into the lumber cart to find your cheap cull-gems. At least, a lot of ~~men~~ people were smiling when I climbed out of it today. It's hard to tell when you have ear buds in if they're laughing at you or with you.

**I think my neighbors are also happy that I have invested in one and won't continue the ~~past four year~~ trend of borrowing theirs.

It may seem strange

2010-08-10T18:25:00.000-04:00

All of a sudden it dawned on me that simultaneously looking up the tracking number for my iPhone and reading reviews on galvanized wash boards might seem a bit ironic.

Can you picture me on the back porch hand scrubbing cloth napkins while listening to music from my iPhone? Getting a call while stringing up unmentionables on the laundry line? It does seem odd.

But it's all about finding a balance. Embracing technology while revitalizing the antique. But why am I looking up hand washing implements? Because I'm sick of my HE fantastically expensive beautiful blue gray washing machine tearing. up. my. clothes. It really and truly ruins them. Shredding bra and sundress straps. Eating holes- holes- in pillows, ripping jammies and tearing apart cloth diapers and then having the audacity to not even get them clean. They come out caked with grime needing to be rewashed. What is the point of having it? It's costing more money and trouble than I care to handle right now. The dryer is practically out of the picture already and they are a matched set.

Yes, the tubes have been cleaned out. Yes, I bought the expensive "HE machine washer soap" to wash the inside of the machine because it smelled. An entire wash cycle just to wash the machine. Eghads.

Washing machines have been in production for a couple hundred years. Different modes of agitation, soap concoctions and rinsing methods have evolved astronomically over the past oh, hundred years or so. Do I want to hunch over a tub of murky wash water pounding out stains? Not particularly. I mean the majority of clothes come away from the wash unscathed but its the ones that don't make a clean getaway that get me riled up.

I think of the piles of clothes that accumulate in a week and just know bone deep we have too much. There is too much waste. It's too easy to let those ruined garments go because there is just so much still in drawers, stacked in clean laundry piles or waiting to be washed. The kids don't give more than a passing glance when they soil a shirt or drip on their pants.

They don't see it. They don't clean it. It goes in a machine and magically gets back to their rooms ready to wear. They have become divorced from the reality of clothes care. So, perhaps we scale back the clothes. Perhaps, we invest in a wash tub and wringer. Maybe the kids lend a scubbing hand and see just what it takes to get their clothes clean.

I'm still unsure, this might be one of those idyllic things that reality just isn't cut out for. Though, I'd like to have the tools on hand incase we loose power, something breaks or we head to the land for any amount of time. I'd like to hear others opinions on shifting to manual washings (especially with so many people!). Do you have a washer? Dryer? Would you rather not?

Pompom garland and Unschooling.

2010-08-06T14:59:00.000-04:00

I saw somewhere online a string of pompom garland. I can't recall where the inspiration came from so I can't site it here but I did want to say that this is not an original-me idea. After seeing it, though, I've been itching to make it for my girl's room.

Today, we set out to get supplies for our project. I've been trying to make a concious effort to school my kids where ever life takes us. It's a whole new approach that I have tried to embrace in the past though have never been able to get institutional instruction fully out of my head; Desks + tomes + quiet = learning. I've changed a lot lately. This is one place I think I'm succeeding.

We went to the store, gathered up our goodies, talked about money and budgets. I only had a certain small dollar amount to spend and I find being honest with the kids about where we stand financially helps them to understand I can't afford everything in the whole friggin store. We discussed coupons and sales, finances and how wages are earned, all while walking the aisles of the craft store.

When we left the next store didn't open for 9 whole minutes. For those of you without kids, let me just clarify that children are not patient beings. Nine mintues outside a store in the heat with five impatient people can drive you over the edge. So, we went for a walk.

We looked at the plants that grow outside the building. We picked a few flowers, saw some bugs. We watched a huge flock of birds at least a hundred feet up in the sky, circling. Something I'd have missed if I was head down, arguing with a three year old. This led to a discussion on scavenger birds, birds of prey and carrion. My oldest and I figured out how many minutes we'd have to walk one way before having to turn back if we wanted to get to the store exactly at ten. We mentally tried to factor in rate of walking and other scenarios like pace, leg length, if it started raining and if you ran into obstacles.

Who knew so much could be learned in nine minutes outside of Best Buy?

Then coming home I spied a neighbor had left some small pieces of a tree they cut down on the curb. They'd been there for days and I hated to see them get thrown in the trash. So, we went down the street and had log roll races back to the house. It beat gym class dodgeball, by far.

With the baby in bed and the kids cooled off with some homemade lemonade we set about making pompoms. Lots. And Lots. of pompoms.

The girls wrapped the special pompom shaper things with their chosen colors. And carefully cut them apart before I tied them together.

I'm a little sad to say they ended up abandoning me to the last of the pompom making.

But not before we talked about how many would fit in a twelve inch space if we spaced them by different intervals. How many we'd need if we wanted garland made X long. Then talked about what kind of patterns we could make.

It's saddening to me how much I have let slip by because of preconcieved notions on education. How much of my kids thought processes I've dismissed because I was too busy and didn't feel like involving them. It's wildly amazing to hear them problem solve and come up with ideas that I never thought of.

When I involve them in my whole life it's no difficulty to appreciate and be impressed by them. We get along better and problems work themselves out before I grow irritated and angry. They want to talk to me and learn and explore and play.

And there is no reason why it all can't be done together.

What I want to do.

2010-08-05T10:51:00.000-04:00

My heart sings and my imagination flows with images of what I want to do. There is so much to be had out of life. So much to see and learn and do. I am malcontent to sit idly by. But the world is big, Huge, MASSIVE! I only have so much time. I only have this one small life.

I have grown irritated and bored with "normal". I have grown out of love with "average".

I want the freedom of blue skies above me. I want the easy laugh of a light heart. I want confidence in my path. I have to be true to myself. I have to work towards my goals. Not because they are odd or trendy. Not because the band wagon is headed that direction. But because my heart and head won't have it any other way. My spirit won't allow itself to die placated into the average normal life. I'm digging myself out of past preconceptions.

I want to grow food that nourishes my family. I want to tend animals that share our life. I want to raise humans that freely think and follow the paths etched into their growing hearts. I want to build a house, a home, a life that sings of purity and truth.

I want to live an honest whole life. However long that may be.

What I do.

2010-08-04T16:27:00.000-04:00

Mornings are hard. My heavy lids wrench themselves open in slow measure when I hear padding feet on the almost century old wood. The creak of heavy doors casts the early light into my darkened room.

"Mommy. Mommy." I hear one of four kids calling me to conciousness. The reasons vary but it all means the same thing; time to get up. I dislodge myself from a warm cuddling baby and begin the day. I go downstairs, get breakfast ready, pour coffee and wait for my cells to realize we're vertical.

The dog gets fed and put out. The rabbits are greeted, noses sniffing, eager for their morning rations. They care little if I'm still in my jammies, which I often am. Thank goodness for privacy fencing. The sweet smell of crisp hay helps tingle my nose awake. The scent is it's own alarm. "It's Day" it tells me.

I turn on the light for the sprouts, water what needs hydrating. Turn on the computer and see who doing what while my blood pumps caffeine to my brain. The kids get sent upstairs to dress. The baby is up by now and munching his own feed.

The rest of the morning is a fast blur of cleaning, hanging laundry, dressing, making beds and playing. Lunch quickly approaches and nap time for the baby sometimes comes before I'm ready. When Max goes down school comes up. The oldest do math, reading and handwriting. We might do art or music, garden or cook. We almost always read. I always tend the garden on my trip to grab the mail. When the kids are occupied I check in online, research farm stuff, nutrition or building techniques, work on college or ASL. So many things to do.

The afternoon heat keeps us indoors for now. Summertime isn't fun with heatstroke and sunburns. Small jaunts out to blow bubbles or play with clay are just about all we can handle. I yearn for autumn -true Southern Autumn- when we want to stay outside forever and open the windows when we can't.

Dinnertime prep starts about four. Consulting the menu on the fridge saves much time. More playing, reading and tidying. There's always something to clean up in a small house of seven. Daddy comes home and dinner is served by six. Bedtime storytime has us all cuddling in someone's bed, taking turns reading aloud after teeth are bushed and jammies donned. Kisses and hugs are top priority before lights go out.

I take the quiet time to decompress, talk with hubby and do more reading and researching. Some sewing might get done, some baking or spinning. Or I might just shut off the day and go read until my eyes are too heavy for my facial muscles to hold open. Then I sleep as soundly as I can, up with little ones here and there, until I start it all over again the next day.

It might not sound like much but it's who I am everyday; boo-boo kisser, human, storyteller, chef, referee, gardener, bunny-raiser, sewer, spinner, teacher, guider, lesson-learner, maid, bug killer, laundress, wife, humanure enthusiast, blogger, mother, reader, writer, dancer, dog owner, friend, woman, dreamer, hoper, student, seeker. Following my heart and doing the best I can.

It's what I do.

Sewing with Kids

2010-07-30T12:00:00.000-04:00

Sewing is a passion of mine. I love perusing stores, ogling beautiful fabric and imagining fantastic creations coming to life under the foot of my machine. I love making things for pennies what costs dollars in the stores. My kids watch me sew. Much of what I make is for them so they have a vested interest in my creations.

But they don't like to sit idly by while I get to play with all the cool fabrics and gadgets. They want to create, too. We've done one sewing lesson a few months back which was a huge success. The pillows are still in use. They ask me continuously when we're going to have another lesson but time just hasn't allowed for it.

When we went to the fair earlier in the year, the kids each won a fairly large stuffed toy. I hate these things. They're made of scratchy, cheap fabric filled with those little styrafoam balls. They take up about 6 square feet of my tiny house and make a terrible crunching sound when they're hugged. It makes my skin crawl like nails on a chalkboard.

So, when they ripped I left them on my sewing desk. I gave the kids excuses about how busy I am and how it prevents me from fixing these holes in their beloved toys. I had hopes that I could secretly toss them out when they weren't paying attention and they'd never realize it. Yes, sometimes I employ subterfuge. Unfortunately, I was thwarted. They incessantly asked me when I'd get to fixing their toys so they could resume loving them to tiny pieces. I finally got sick of it today.

I made up a little sewing kit for the kids that I had intended to introduce them to when they were "old enough". But with our new ideas of unschooling, their requests for repair turned into teaching.

I've found that telling a child they cannot touch something because it is dangerous only fuels curiosity. Not to say that certain dangers shouldn't be avoided but sometimes education when they are interested helps build respect. I've found this true with sewing. Telling my three and five year olds "NO!" that pins will hurt and poke them has tiny fingers itching to grasp those shiny little pearls that stick out of my stuffed pumpkin. Showing them what they are used for, giving them the opportunity to use them curbs desires and forms respect. Pins are tools, not toys.

We discussed the parts of a needle, how fabric was woven and the importance of working to fix things we own instead of wastefully discarding them.

They learned how thread and needle come together to mend and create.

They worked for what they wanted instead of pushing it off on me.

They grew in confidence while they concentrated.

And were delighted that their hands made results that impacted their own lives.

Cordelia's fair toy didn't have a seam to mend so I introduced her to a stitch ripper. She was so proud when she finished as she was aiding me with my projects. And I was proud of each of them.

Sometimes, I forget how talented and "old enough" my kids are. Sometimes, the easier way of doing it myself or not doing it at all takes away the opportunity to involve the kids in our whole lives.

A New Spin

2010-07-29T16:50:00.001-04:00

This is the start of a bobbin of Merino (sheep) wool and some gray/white Angora (rabbit) wool yarn. It's a bit overspun, adding in the loose Angora while spinning the Merino roving has a high learning curve. I'm not even sure if that's how you're supposed to do it. But I really like the results and this is only a single ply.

I've been spinning for almost a month. I think I'm fairly decent at it for a beginner. Since our land is only 5 acres and part of that will be needed to help sustain us, we need a product we can sell to cover those things we can't do ourselves. Enter in: Fiber.

Last December we started with one Angora. Now, we have three. We're hoping the farm will be able to support a small flock of sheep, herd of goats and a dairy cow. This Merino I'm spinning is so nice. Having a few of these sheep would be magnificent.

I'm hoping to take a class at the local knitting store to teach me -finally- how to knit properly. I already have a cozy, cream colored hat in my imagination made from my first spinnings.

My only issue now is not wanting to part with anything.

The fibers, the yarn; I love it all.

Rejection

2010-07-28T09:31:00.000-04:00

All night my mind was turbulent with thoughts. Feelings errupted as I let my conciousness work through the happenings of the evening and my responses to them. I lost much sleep.

We did a two hour test run with a new sitter while I dropped off my car at the transmission place and grabbed some groceries.

We got home to her almost reduced to tears and a firm "no" that she couldn't handle watching the kids again. My first response was disappointment. I was upset that my kids upset her, though she assured me it wasn't because they were bad. Just loud, boisterours and oh, so numerous. I apologized profusely and hope that our adult relationship wasn't harmed by it.

Then I went inside and scolded the kids about not being able to follow her rules of sitting quietly while she did story time. And for being loud. And for interrupting. And for not sitting still. I unleashed my disappointment and anger and sent them to bed. I reduced them to tears.

I thought about these two reactions most of the night. I am not happy with my parenting. At first, I was angry that I lost a potential babysitter when my school work is coming down to a tight wire of completion. I was bitter and resentful that someone didn't instantly like my kids and want to get paid to spend time with them. I was angry that someone else couldn't do my job. Then, I turned my anger towards the kids. Why couldn't they just behave for two measley hours? I stood in the shower absently washing my hair disappointed and angry at the situation but not exactly sure where the blame lay.

It wasn't until about two a.m. when I brought Max into our bed for the remainder of the night that things clicked together. I lay in the darkness snuggling baby and realized that there is no one to blame. My anger had no place or position in the situation at all. Then, I got angry at myself.

I was angry that I felt the need to apologize for my kids, just for being themselves. Read this again: I was sorry my kids acted the way I strive to raise them. What is wrong with me? I want them to be inquisitive. I want them to ask questions. I want them to follow what interests them when the interest strikes. They are energetic and alive. They are busy, the little ones climb, Alex literally can not sit still. It takes work to keep them out of the trouble their exploring nature gets into when it's confiened to the house.

When a new person comes to our home they are like a bug under a microscope. My kids want to know why, how, what, and who they are. They want to share every facet themselves with this new facinating person. They instantly give their love to whomever mommy or daddy has designated a worthy person for them to meet. They don't expect love in return, they give it freely without strings or manipulations. They thrive on touch, expression and honesty.

Why, dear God, would I apologize for that?

I was angry at myself for being disappointed in my kids and dumping my emotions on their fragile hearts. They were being their authentic selves and because someone rejected that I was angry at them. Yes, they're loud. There are five of them in a very tiny space. I don't really discourage their volume unless I'm on the phone or someone is napping. They have big emotions inside little bodies and very strong vocal cords. They express themselves true. If the mood strikes them to sing, they sing. They pour their every feeling into belting out the songs in their hearts. If it happens to be story time, well, perhaps it could benefit from an improv sonnet. If they want to dance, if their bodies thrum with unheard rhythm, then their legs carry them hither and tither and they want to share it with you. It's not their fault that their recital falls on your imposed quiet time.

There is a reason we are in the family we are. We are meant to be together. Always. When a new person comes in with their own expectations and requirements for what is acceptable and those things don't align with our family principles THAT'S OKAY. It is NOT rejection. It's nature's way of ensuring the people that are in my and my children's lives, are the right people for the job. It is no one's fault, no ones, when we find incompatable people. It's why we usually don't marry the first person we meet. It's why we change jobs, cities, cars. I've heard when people adopt that they just know this child was meant to be theirs. It doesn't mean there was anything wrong with the people that are left behind, they're just not right for us.

I want to assure my readers I did not send my kids to bed crying. We spent a good hour talking quietly and gently about how we all feel and what happened and why. I apologized to them both in words and touch. We snuggled and healed the damage my overreacting caused. Today, we're going to work together again. I am going to strive to include my kids in decisions we make. Perhaps, a sitter isn't the solution. I have some time to figure it out. See if we want to try someone else or work to make my school time possible at home.

They're my kids, my family. I'm not ashamed, disappointed or embarassed to be their mom. And I love everything single little thing about them. Even that they can take down an adult.

Son of a Blog

2010-07-27T15:34:00.000-04:00

I just set up my eight year old son with his own blog. He chose the name himself which I'm kinda proud of.

http://scienceboyalex.blogspot.com/

We're exploring the method (or un-method) of unschooling. I think having him create a blog is a great way to teach him writing, photo editing, computer programs, and photography. I think getting comments would encourage him to share about our homeschool adventures and help with retention. Perhaps, also show others how homeschooling (or unschooling) is working for our family and how the child is directly affected. Especially, as his writing and content improve.

He's very excited about it so far. And so am I.

It's here!

2010-07-26T18:49:00.000-04:00

The Monroe Market 3-Pocket Vendor/Utility Apron is finished and up for sale!

http://www.etsy.com/listing/52381465/monroe-market-3-pocket-vendorutility

And a very special THANK YOU! to my apron pattern testers. Thank you for your patience and your wonderful advice.

Charity over at http://www.indietutes.blogspot.com/

And Christephi at http://www.sproutingflowers.wordpress.com/

I'm pretty proud of my pattern coming to life like this. I'm also working on a Monroe Market Helper pattern. I'll let you guess who those will be for :)

Prosperity

2010-07-26T09:43:00.000-04:00

Wallowing is an easy thing to do. I've battled the dark forces of depression for most of my life, starting when I was about eleven years old and the first experience of abuse touched me. It's familiar. A worn, old quilt patchworked with the failures and sadnesses of my life. A warm comfort of self-loathing, depreciation and doubt that I can pull over my head when things go wrong. I can look at all the different pieces of pain -both past and present- that fit so nicely together and encourage my wallowing sadness to unlimited ends. The blanket of dispair is so easy for me to cuddle up to. Almost too easy.

This may sound strange to some but I have to work to be happy.

It's hard for me to focus; see the joys and eleations that are before me. Most of the time I have to look hard and deep into my life to root out the happinesses that I've been graced with. Even when they're staring me in the face.

I look at my garden and the failure is far too easy to see. Eaten leaves, dying vines, propigating bugs distract me from what does grow. The banana pepper plant has taken off. It's needed no real care other than sunshine and cool water. It's lack of issues has my eyes glazing over it's beauty until its bounty smacks me in the face.

The same can be said for the lemon grass. I bought it on a whim, not really knowing what to do with it. I have never seen a bug on it, it has never wilted. It takes up four times the space it did when I got in a few months ago, yet I pass it by because it lacks issues. The drama of the hard-to-grow and not-so-hearty fill my attentions.

And the one small silver sage plant that errupts with long healthy leaves only gets a momentary pruning when it gets too large for the space I've designated. I have so much that I'm giving it away to a few people that said they'd like some.

That is the kind of prosperity I want for everything but I need to narrow my focus and be grateful for what I do have. I need to throw off the blanket of depression I've hidden under for so long. Fold it up and pack it away. I won't get rid of it fully, sometimes it helps to see what I've gone through, how much I've surpassed those pieces of my past. That the patchwork quilt those sorrows make up are what make up me. Who I am today. And I'll need to add to it the new pains and disappointments the rest of my life hold.

I can't say that I'll never succumb to the warmth of it again but I can try to see things as they are. Try and view the prosperity of my life fully relieved of my self-made shroud.

And prosperous, I most surely am.

Voluntary Simplicity - Work Smarter

2010-07-25T15:47:00.000-04:00

As a side note, today is much better. I passed my test yesterday and the remaining three bunnies look healthy and good. I have to remember to stay in the moment. Not dwell on things that are yet to be, tackle each thing as it comes. Take steps forward but not engross myself so much in getting ahead that I forget where I'm standing. Thanks to all that gave your support. It was (and is, as I re-read the posts) so very much appreciated.

The girls and I are reading more of Little House on the Prairie 75th Anniversary Edition*. The life portrayed is so very close to what I want to offer to my family in some respects and it has has given me insight to how things got done before electricity and running water.

It's given me much to ponder. For instance, Pa got the bucket of water from the creek. Ma gathered up all the sheets and clothes and washed them in the water, rinsing them in a second tub. She laid them out to dry on the grass The water got drained out into the field, hydrating the land. There wasn't mounds of laundry to be done. There wasn't enormous amounts of water being used. Ma didn't spend time every single day pulling the loads of laundry through the line. Why is this?

I reason it's because they didn't have more clothes than they knew what to do with. Clothes serve a purpose, a function. They're not merely things to hang in closets, left to crumple in drawers, taking up space, sometimes never worn before they're grown out of. I speculate too, that the kids took better care of their clothes because of this reason. They knew they couldn't afford to waste what they had on. That they'd probably have to wear that outfit or those pajamas again before they got cleaned.

Then we read about Ma and her after supper routine. The family of five had four tin plates, four tin forks, four tin cups while they were out camping on the prairie. After they were used they were promptly washed. Ma didn't have piles of cups and plates and bowls stacked in the sink waiting to be washed. There was no dishwasher running excessively like it is in my house. She didn't waste money on detergent and heat drying her dishes. Why is that?

Again, here I ponder the simplicity of living with only what you need. How hated chores and overwhelming tasks break down to small, easily accomplished goals. But we must find a balance. I realize that getting rid of too much can actually make life harder. Though, knowing how things used to be puts a new glint in my gaze. I look at our posessions in a new light.

What is needed? What makes us happy?

For each person the answers will differ. For our life on the farm, we want to work smarter not harder. Less clothes = less laundry, less storage and less mess. Less dishes means the kids have to be concious of the items they dirty, less work in cleaning and less resouces wasted. I want less work in these areas to free up time to do things that make me happy. To ease the burden of housework that yolks me.

I've pared down the books and feel good about the ones that remain. This week I'm going to be looking at our clothes and eating utensils to see where I can make a difference there as I work -hopfully smartly- towards a simpler life.

What burdens do you have that discourage you? Is there a place in your life you can par down to lighten your heart?

*The link I provided is an associate link to Amazon.com. Purchases made through this link help support our family.

Ripe

2010-07-23T17:45:00.002-04:00

"What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds." ~ Will Rogers

Me and Failure? We're tight like this.

2010-07-23T11:23:00.000-04:00

I'm thinking of writing a book called Crystal's Homestead Disaster Manual. What do you think?

In a long line of Things That Have Gone Wrong, including failing my semester exam yesterday, another rabbit died this morning. Or sometime last night. Hard to tell with rigor set in and voided bowels strewn around the cage.

I am trying very, very, very, very hard not to get depressed or cry over this. But the long running streak of failure has my head full of doubt over whether this is the right path for me. I'm questioning everything.

"I failed one small section of my exam which I can retake tomorrow" turns into "maybe I'm not a smart enough person to be college educated. Why do I need a degree anyway I'm a stay at home mom?"

"My little rabbit that never really seemed to grow like the other doe I got at the same time, just unexpectedly died." morphs to "Rabbits hate me. If I can't keep a rabbit alive more than a few weeks maybe I should just scrap the whole homesteading thing and sell off the remaining three to homes where people have a harder time killing things."

The small fig tree covered in ripening fruit I bought yesterday after my FAILURE notice in a bout of I-need-instant-gratification-to-make-me-feel-like-less-of-a-loser is now a mocking reminder of my own fig I bought two years ago that has yet to produce anything.

I can go on and tell you all the crappy things that are going around right now like how we're all getting sick, how my car now is having problems, how my new spinning wheel is crooked and either defective or I've somehow bent it and I can't really use it...but I really don't want to get even more depressive than I already am.

I'm trying, truly, to see the good that's around me but it's so very hard. I try and focus on something to help lift me up and I just get more frustrated and more overwhelmed. I'm locked in my confused head with a sore heart and am struggling to pull myself up out of this ditch I've dug. If anyone has words of wisdom or sage advice, I'd love to hear it. Even just a "wow, that is shitty." or a virtual pat on the back would be so very much appreciated.

I've been quiet

2010-07-22T09:09:00.000-04:00

Lately, it's been hard to get my thoughts and feelings together to make an adequate blog post here. There's so much going on and realizations and developments with me internally, I've been at a loss on how to express that in written words. Or even if any of it is meritous enough to be put to print.

How could I make a compelling read if I can't even sort my own faculties out?

The honest truth is right now I'm nervous, scared, intimidated and desperate. Things that don't bode well for good parenting, let alone a good blog post. I feel scattered and lost. If I think too hard about any one thing or the whole mess of everything that threatens to topple down on me, my eyes get moist and my throat hitches. Such is how I have been feeling lately.

But isn't that part of all this? To let everyone in the world know that I am no different than anyone else? That I too, have dips in my life as well as high points? Though, when I'm in a dip it seems the highs are never attainable and are so very, very few. This blog is a chronicle of my days and I try and fill what I share with open honesty. Just looking back at my own posts is a reminder that there is hope. There have been other times when I've felt this way, lost in a sea of never ending tidal waves and the days have passed by and what had seemed an unsurmountable mountain looming before me had slowly become reduced to mere pebbles under my feet.

This vast mountaious range that sits blocks me now is no different, even if my heart wimpers at the work to be done. It seems like too much and it is a lot. More than most would care to tackle especially with the number of passengers I am taking on this trip. Though my heart might tremble and my head feel disorganized, just to sit here and not start the climb is unaccepable to both. It is just merely not an option.

Today, I am making tiny steps as I do everyday, though it's hard to notice. In a few short hours I will go sit for my first semseter exam. Completely unprepared -because there really is no way to prepare other than taking the classes I'll be quizzed on- but I'll go and I'll do it and I'll give it my best. This one boulder before me will become that little pebble under my boot.

Which is really all I can -and will- do for the rest of it.

PITA!

2010-07-19T13:54:00.000-04:00

I've made lots of different breads before; sweet, savory, sandwich, rolls, you name it, I've probably made it. But why on Earth I've never tried making pita bread before is beyond me. I rectified that today.

I found this recipe from The Fresh Loaf for easy pita. If you read all the comments you can use 1/3 whole wheat, 2/3 white. I used unbleached all purpose for my "white".

The trick to these is to have a REALLY hot oven and preheat your sheet with the oven. I started the oven at 500 but didn't wait for it to preheat so the first two took longer and didn't get as poofy. They did still split when torn apart just like a regular pita.

I rotated the batches out one pita at a time. So I'd always have at least one in the oven, one cooling, one rolled out while I was rolling out another. The batch made twelve good sized pitas, though it says it makes eight. Which is really good because I've already eaten ~~three~~ some. One didn't count, though, because it was kinda small...

I don't think I could ever go back to buying these at the store again. Ingredients cost maybe a dollar per batch. Though they take about 2 hours from start to finish, it's less time than dragging five kids to the store.

This is definately a keeper recipe I'm glad I've added to my repertoire.

Maintenance Manual

2010-07-18T18:56:00.000-04:00

I pulled out Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats this morning, determined to pick up where I left off -on page 27. When I originally purchased it, way back in April, I was drawn to the methods and sense that this cookbook presents. But things got in the way, as they often do, and the book has been sitting on a shelf in the kitchen since that fateful day I arrived on page 27.

That page holds no real signficance. It's just, by that point in the book, I had just gotten overwhelmed with the sheer force of information. With my dawning realization that I might not be living up to the high standard I set in regards to our maintenance needs, today, I picked it up again. This time armed with a highlighter to help me pull out the important bits. I finished the begining of the book up until the recipes start.

One thing I love about this guide and cookbook is that there isn't a vast, overwhelming change in our diets by implementing it. It's not totally what we eat but how we prepare it; the ingredients we use; the method of deployment. For others, that might not be true.

Eating a Nourishing Traditions Diet requires preplanning and forethought. I have done this before, making lists of what we'll eat and when, but the difference here is that if you want pizza on Friday, you'd better start the dough Thursday. Want Ruben Sandwhiches? You need to plan at least 3 days prior.

This is a good thing. It's a way to make sure that when Friday rolls around I'm not standing with the fridge door open ho-humming about what we're going to have. The dough will be waiting for me. It also means my head needs to stay in the present. Not to say there aren't quick meals in the book too, but a lot of the main recipes call for some ingredient that requires fermenting.

It will be a challenge, I think, learning how and what and when to make things. But the health benefits to my family, the slow-down pace of planning will help level the balance on my maintenance/surpassing scale.

"Only not dying."

2010-07-16T21:01:00.001-04:00

The past few days I've been busy filling the hours with housework, chores and errands. Trying to make the most of my week with only two kids about. A good bit of the time I succeeded but there was a fair amount of failure when I just goofed off. Life can't all be work, now.

During my lolligagging, I was able to read a few more pages in the Voluntary Simplicity: Toward a Way of Life That Is Outwardly Simple, Inwardly Rich book. With my epiphany during the first forty pages, I cleared out at least 1,348.765 pounds of books and some clothes that are now lining the shelves of the battered woman's shelter. That was a good move and already story time is easier, feels less overwhelming. Giving to those who need it eases my heart of the burden. The cleaning also brought about my finding The Little House on the Prarie story time hardcover. The two oldest girls listened to me read the first two chapters tonight. I missed those camp-goers terribly. It was a good way to reconnect.

With the reading of the next four pages of Voluntary Simplicity I find myself at mental red light. Here, the author delves into a section called "Maintaining Ourselves and Surpassing Ourselves" again, another point of balance. (Which is what everything seems to hinge on). Maintaining our bodies while our minds seek to surpass what and where we are now. Mere maintenance allows only for our bodies to not die. Living isn't truly accomplished. Yet, focusing entirely on providing ourselves with a meaningful, soulful, existence our basic needs won't be met and we will die. The balance of both is crucial.

My mind is pondering this. I can feel the thoughts rolling over and tumbling around in the grey folds of my brain. To shun everything and merely exist won't work. This is what the author has said from the begining. Letting go of material wealth, turning off the power, sacrificing the things that make us happy or lively will not help us to move toward, well, for lack of a better word, enlightenment. For a long time I've thought that the only way to make the move to simplistic living was to get down to brass tacks, live a barren life. The key is to find a balance between technology and rustic living.

Have I been doing this? Have I been neglecting the maintenance to focus on the surpassing? Engrossing myself in classes, lessons, books and websites hoping to learn from text what I cannot learn by doing?

Then today I came across a quote on my Zen-a-day calendar.

As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are. Otherwise you will miss most of your life. - Buddha

Has this been the way I've been handling life? Constantly looking forward to "the next thing". The next course, the next article, the next blog post or workshop letting the experiences of the day pass me by while I wait? Holding an idyllic scene in my mind of what life will be like when we finally get on our land? Thinking that today isn't as good as it is because my dreams haven't been realized?

I think I might have been. I think that scares me.

So, today I look at what today is. What can it be, what time can I spend forging memories in my children's hearts while still working towards the goals that are written across my own. I will stumble. It's the way of me, but I'm hoping as I continue reading this particular book that life starts to balance out a little more. And by only not dying, I'm hoping I really get to live.